Obama, Everyone Condemn Random Pastor Who Is Somehow Famous

You may have heard there is a random pastor guy in Florida who decided he's gonna burn hisself a whol' bunch 'er K-rans on 9/11! Wow! Big news! Random American hicks hate things that are not like them! But our media saw this and decided everyonelooooooved that mosque story so much that this man should be an international celebrity. And now every slightly important human and country on Earth must be questioned on what their "stance" is on this "issue," because that pastor guy is so very famous. And now your president has had to do this very thing, and this is huge international news, because it makes America look great.

Top story on BBC! Ooooooh!

In an interview with ABC television, Mr Obama said he hoped Mr Jones "understands that what he's proposing to do is completely contrary to our values as Americans, that this country has been built on the notion of freedom and religious tolerance".

Yes, but the media hopes random crazies like this pastor guy understand that what he's proposing makes you faaaaaaamous! You will probably get to go to dance parties with Justin Bieber, if you are hateful enough! We don't even need another season of American Idol, because this random pastor guy is it.

Malaysia called it a heinous crime, while Indonesia said it would damage relations between Islam and the West.

In the UK, Downing Street said it would not condone the burning of any book.

"We would strongly oppose any attempt to offend any member of any religious or ethnic group. We are committed to religious tolerance," said a spokesman for Prime Minister David Cameron.

Haha, everybody comment on this! Your afternoon editor is going to put some ketchup on a Torah and dip his chicken nuggets in it. DAVID CAMERON AND MALAYSIA NEED TO COMMENT ON THIS IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENT RIGHT NOW.

Teabaggers are fucking beside themselves right now. How crazy and hateful do they have to be in public to instantly become international celebrities? They are trying sooooo hard! [BBC]


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