Obama Hijacks His Own Plane, Forces It To Land, NEVER FORGET
He's got most of the money remaining in the U.S. economy, and yet. Barack Obama's plane, a rickety old hackjob called an "MD-80 Midwest charter," was going to crash into a World Trade Center today en route from Chicago to Charlotte -- it was just that broken! Alas, his terrible pilots were forced to make an emergency landing in Missouri. Hey, Missouri... that's one of those whatchamacallits... border states... slave states... oh that's right, it's a swing state. What a fortuitous terrorist crash landing!
Reporters -- always keen on the details of life -- knew that all was not safe on the good Sky Ship Obama. They "felt the plane dip briefly, causing a stomach-rolling sensation as if being in a roller coaster, but the unexpected movement did not cause visible alarm for the frequent fliers on the plane." In other words, the writer of this AP article is many things, but not a pussy.
But they really were going to die! The pilot eventually spoke to the crew to tell them about this uh, you know, minor little technical glitch, no biggie, in which HE HAD LOST ALL CONTROL OVER STEERING THE PLANE:
"We detected a little bit of controllability issue in terms of our ability to control the aircraft in the pitch, which is the nose up and nose down mode," announced the pilot, whose name was not released in accordance with Midwest policy.
"The autopilot and the aircraft are just fine. As we descended, whatever was inhibiting our ability has now been rectified. However, just for safety purposes we are going to be stopping in St. Louis and making sure that there's nothing binding our controls. We have full authority of the aircraft. We will not need to brace. It will be a normal landing," he said.
Hoping to calm the passengers he'd flip-floppingly lured onto his broken-ass air jalopy, Barack Obama said to the press, "I just thought we'd spice things up a little bit today," while "smiling and joking." HARDY HAR HAR. Then again, you can't say he ever cared about human lives in the first place.