Obama Holds Important Meeting With Football Team

Every year, the President of the United States has to entertain the winners of that year's Super Bowl, which is an annual contest of America's real (white) sport, American-football. And so today they showed up at the White House and provided Obama his very own jersey, which he will then hang in his closet with other such jerseys, unlike George W. Bush, who has taken to making these jerseys his everyday retiree wardrobe. But this event was treated as sort of IMPORTANT, because of George W. Bush's Katrina, Hurricane Katrina.

"This team took the hopes and the dreams of a shattered city and placed them squarely on its shoulders," the President said during remarks in the White House East Room, adding that "not only did the team come back, it took its city's hands and helped its city back on its feet."

For fuck's sake, why did we spend so much money on the Katrina recovery process? All we had to do was rig the Super Bowl that year and make the New Orleans-based team win. Poof! Everything's fixed! Sports fix everything.

Also this happened:

And CNN's White House correspondent finished the news story thusly:

Then Strief, the massive offensive lineman, walked in and treated the press to his shrimp dish.


News-writing touchdown! Give that man a Pulitzer extra-point! [CNN]


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