Obama, McCain To Be Interrogated By Goateed Evangelist In Megachurch Isolation Booths
Some mega-suburban evangelical church in Southern California will be the scene of the most epic political battle since Jesus took on the Romans: Saturday at 5 p.m. (8 p.m. Eastern), Obama and McCain will be locked in soundproof glass torture chambers while a goateed "powerful evangelical" hobbit will chillingly ask them questions about religions and whatnot.
Saddleback Church is in Lake Forest, which is one of those mysterious housing developments somewhere between Los Angeles and the Mexican border. There are 22,000 people in this suburb and they all go to Saddleback Church every day. Because of this, whenever famous Saddleback evangelical pastor Rick Warren telephones the presidential candidates, they have to take his call, or he'll send his army of 22,000 orcs to take unholy revenge.
(As the good reverends Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Henry Lyons, Jim Jones and Ted Haggard can attest, being the Top Evangelical Leader in America usually doesn't last that long, so we hope Pastor Warren will make the best of his big day.)
This is a major news event, this McCain-Obama non-debate, in a church, because Obama's back from vacation and John McCain is around, as well. Look how terrible this will be:
Warren will separately question McCain and Obama for about an hour. A coin toss determined that Obama, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, will answer questions first. Warren will then ask McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, the same questions. McCain will not be able to hear Obama’s responses, Warren told the Fox News Channel.
The loser will be locked in a coffin full of live rats.
Also: Bob Barr is now suing the church so he, too, can be locked in an underwater torture booth and be electrocuted until he says how much he love the Baby Jesus.
(We may or may not live-blog this thing tomorrow. It sounds pretty ... lame. So if we don't live-blog it -- and instead try to enjoy our last weekend before the convention/convention Denver/St. Paul massacre that will utterly consume our lives -- go ahead and talk about it here.)