Obama Press Corps Hilariously Fooled During Secret Meeting

How did Hillary Clinton, who's been locked in her Washington home on a barbiturate bender for the last 48 hours with the press clamoring at the gates, and Barack Obama, who commands an even larger, consolidated national press corps now, manage tomeet privately (for hot bottled water) at that senator gal's house last night? Easy! An unmarked van sneaked into Hillary's side entrance (natch) and kidnapped her, while Obama took his reporters to the airport, locked them on a plane, and drove hastily to the meeting, where he violently ripped the duct tape from Hillary's mouth and put her through bamboo-under-the-fingernails torture. And the press missed it!

Here's how Obama's Muslim terrorists kidnapped Our Hillary from her spider hole, and how Obama lied to the press corps. Lied!

Shortly after 10 p.m., a van sped quickly into the side gate of Clinton's home, Whitehaven. It was unclear who was inside. Sen. Clinton has been invisible to the press corps gathered outside her home all day. To attend the meeting at Feinstein's home, she would have had to slip unnoticed past a half-dozen cameras.

In an unexpected and unprecedented move for the candidate, Obama, D-Ill., shed his traveling press corps as they got on the plane with the understanding that Sen. Obama would join after his local interviews.

Right before take off, the press corps was informed Obama would not be flying to Chicago. Instead, he would be spending the evening in Washington.

Robert Gibbs, Obama campaign communications director, originally told the press corps, "He is not going to be in D.C. tonight for awhile so he wanted to schedule meetings."

Gibbs later confirmed the meeting took place between Clinton and Obama.

Ouch, they got punk'd, or something! Here's a pretty fantastic video of the reporters whining, too, about how Obama doesn't ever deserve privacy again:

Clinton Sneaks Out to Meet Obama in Washington [ABC News]

Press angry over secret meeting between Obama and Clinton [YouTube]

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

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OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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