Obama Sorry He Never Made Dolly Parton Queen For Life, Orders Biden FIX IT
Guess what, big surprise, Barry Bamz O'Bing Bong, the 44th president of America, still can't stop talking about how he wrote a "book" about his time in the "White House," like we care.
But you'll be glad to know he's finally going on an apology tour for his biggest fuckups, like that time he forgot to gave Dolly Parton the Presidential Medal of Freedom. President Obama made his stunning declaration of guilt on live TV to Stephen Colbert, probably because he's too embarrassed to say it to a real lawyer like Rudy Giuliani or Sidney Powell.
The segment was called "Questions We're Pretty Sure Barack Obama Has Never Been Asked Before," and you may watch it right now, in this rare blog post that is "nice."
OBAMA: That's a mistake. I'm shocked. [...] That was a screw-up. I'm surprised. I think I assumed that she had already got one, and that was incorrect. [...]
I'll call Biden.
That's right he will.
You hear that, Joe? President Bamz O'Bing Bong is going to call you and he is going to HEREBY ORDER you to give the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Dolly Parton. You know, in case you were thinking about giving it to "Corvette" or "your dog" or "Hunter Biden."
It makes sense, after all, since Dolly Parton pretty much bought us that nice Moderna COVID-19 vaccine what is coming out, which is one more thing Dolly Parton's bought for us than Donald Trump has. (She didn't even know her donation had even funded that and was thrilled to find out.) Also approximately one gabillion children now know how to read because Dolly Parton sends them a book every single month. (She knows about that one.)
As for Barack Obama's other answers/confessions in his Stephen Colbert segment, he picks "car" as the best Monopoly piece (correct); "Frosty" as better than "Blizzard" (that's fine, we enjoy both); "Stephen Colbert's wife" as better than "Stephen Colbert," at least as a Thanksgiving guest (probably); and "toast" as what goes in "toaster" (WRONG, as Colbert pointed out, BREAD goes in toaster, toast comes OUT. Idiot).
NOW APOLOGIZE FOR DOING WIRE TAPPS TO DONALD TRUMP IN HIS DREAMS.
AND FOR THE TAN SUIT.
AND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF WE DIDN'T THINK OF YET.
BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA.
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GIVE IT WONKETTE. We mean money. Thank you.