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ALL THE SHADE


A sad event happened this afternoon! Our president, Barry Bamzalot O'Sexy, held his very last news conference as President of the US and A. :(

For this last presser, Obama decided it was time to give a little constitutional law lecture about what exactly the hell freedom of the press means, how it's supposed to work, and oh goodness, he was trolling ThinSkin McPussGrabby SO HARD. It was pertinent, in light of all the news about Trump wanting to kick the press out of the White House, then saying he won't kick them out, but would just have to decide who gets access and who doesn't (the room is too small and puny!). Oh, and the Trump DC hotel has announced press isn't allowed on its premises during the inauguration. Oh, and there was that "news conference" Trump did last week, where he abused a CNN reporter and filled the room with aides who were instructed to LOL at his "jokes." It was very autocratic dictator-styley, because that is what Trump wants to be.

So here comes Barack Obama, calmly explaining to our new Shithead-In-Chief that this is America, and in America things work a certain way, and we are sorry it's not like your hero Vladimir Putin does it, but anyway fuck you. We're going to give you most of his statement, because we love you enough to transcribe it for you, and then we're going to give you a special bonus sexxx video at the end, as a reward for watching and reading. Hooray!

I want to thank all of you. Some of you have been covering me for a long time. [...] Some of you I've just gotten to know. [...] Even when you complain about my long answers, I just want you to know that the only reason they were long is because you ask six-part questions. But I have enjoyed working with all of you.

That does not, of course, mean that I've enjoyed every story that you have filed, but that's the point of this relationship. You're not supposed to be sycophants, you're supposed to be skeptics. You're supposed to ask me tough questions. You're not supposed to be complimentary, but you're supposed to cast a critical eye on folks who hold enormous power, and make sure that we are accountable to the people who sent us here. And you have done that, and you've done it, for the most part, in ways that I could appreciate for fairness, even if I didn't always agree with your conclusions.

And having you in this building has made this place work better. It keeps us honest, it makes us work harder. You have made us think about how we are doing what we do, and whether or not we're able to deliver on what's been requested by our constituents. [...]

I spent a lot of time in my farewell address talking about the state of our democracy. It goes without saying that essential to that is a free press. That is part of how this place, this country, this grand experiment in self-government has to work. It doesn't work if we don't have a well-informed citizenry, and you are the conduit through which they receive the information about what's taking place in the halls of power. So America needs you, and democracy needs you. We need you to establish a baseline of facts and evidence that we can use as a starting point for the kind of reasoned and informed debates that ultimately lead to progress.

And so my hope is that you will continue with the same tenacity that you showed us, to do the hard work of getting to the bottom of stories and getting them right, and to push those of us in power to be the best version of ourselves, and to push this country to be the best version of itself. I have no doubt that you will do so. [...]

I want to thank you all for your extraordinary service to our democracy.

YOU HEAR THAT, DONALD TRUMP? THIS IS HOW IT WORKS IN AMERICA, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, MOVE TO RUSSIA.

Remarkable that an outgoing president feels the need to tell the press what they do for a living, to send a message to the new president. Just ... wow.

OK, we promised you a sexxx video, so here is Hot Seth Meyers -- who may be our most important late night journalist, now that "The Daily Show" sucks -- doing a deep, funny dive into just how much Trump's press conference was just like what you see in dictatorships. Watch it and share it widely!

OK bye, we will let you go cry now about how that was the last Obama presser ever.

:(

[NBC News on Twitter]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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