OBAMAGATE! FIREMAN! RUSSIA HOAX! GARBAGE TRUCK! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Donald Trump is a thin-skinned loser baby. He's also very lonely, and what few friends he has appear to have a bunch of coronavirus in their lungs. Oh yeah, and this weekend was Mother's Day. Put that all together and you have a recipe for a really hot episode of Sunday In The Pooper With Donald On The Twitter.
Did we mention Barack Obama said some bad words about Trump's piss-poor coronavirus performance, and also about the giant shit Attorney General Bill Barr took on the rule of law when he decided to give Michael Flynn a reacharound and move to drop charges against him, even after Flynn pleaded guilty twice? That happened.
OBAMAGATE!— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589137914.0
Oh goodness. Authoritarian Nutsack Grandpa is just tweeting all-caps words that make no sense to any rational human being. That's a shame.
He added later, in case we didn't understand the first time:
He got caught, OBAMAGATE! https://t.co/oV6fum0zIS— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589163059.0
Uh huh, and we would also ask OBAMA NETFLIX? Because Trump forgot to ask OBAMA NETFLIX?
Anyway, clearly Trump and his braindead supporters are mad because Barack Obama has violated decorum by speaking out against his successor. And of course, Obama did a Russia hoax to Trump and witch-hunted Michael Flynn by tricking him and forcing him to lie to the FBI four days after Trump was inaugurated, because Obama is powerful like that.
Trump explained in a shitload of retweets of wingnut clownfart Buck Sexton how Obama did the crimes, the biggest crimes:
The biggest political crime in American history, by far! https://t.co/m5nPdUHt4u— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589121621.0
There is no way to fully chronicle the way Trump spent his weekend on Twitter, or how he is currently spending his Monday on Twitter. Axios notes that just from Saturday night to Sunday morning, Trump "tweeted or retweeted more than 50 times" about the very valid Russia investigation he calls a hoax, because of how it found one million inappropriate contacts between his campaign and Russia; was highly suggestive of a criminal conspiracy between certain Trump people and Russians, but wasn't able to prove one; found that Russia engaged in a "sweeping and systematic" attack on America in order to help install Trump in office; and oh yeah, all the obstruction of justice.
Here's a whine:
When are the Fake Journalists, who received unwarranted Pulitzer Prizes for Russia, Russia, Russia, and the Impeach… https://t.co/DKVTgGZ2FV— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589111256.0
Trump didn't give any of the names of the "real journalists who got it right," but it was probably people you'd never leave your kids alone with. Like maybe Jim Hoft, because Trump tweeted a bunch of articles this weekend from Gateway Pundit, the actual stupidest man on the whole internet, maybe Jim Hoft needs a Pulitzer:
Wow, this is BIG! https://t.co/cC9NlHWdfl— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589132414.0
Trump also RTed this tweet from the same absolute nobody, which totally makes sense if you look at it upside down maybe:
Two complete sellouts who’ve been compromised and are heavily blackmailable forced to announce one of the most cosm… https://t.co/qqPsi5kmpl— 🇺🇸Lionel🇺🇸 (@🇺🇸Lionel🇺🇸) 1588795570.0
More whining about Obama:
...And we caught them and their illegal activities! https://t.co/53YV7x3cdD— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589108696.0
We are sensing a theme here! Let's investigate further.
Trump RTed noted pundit JoAnne Shoe LipStick Flower Cake #wife#mother#grandmother, who explained that "OBAMAGATE!"
Additionally, Trump RTed "@Chicago1Ray," who also helpfully explained that "OBAMAGATE!"
He RTed his incorrect-looking son's gross girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle calling Adam Schiff "Anxious Adam," because Schiff supposedly has been "exposed" for "peddling the biggest sham in American history" in the 57 Russia probe transcripts released last week.
He RTed Fox News legal idiot Gregg "My mom still cuts my hair even though I'm 65" Jarrett like a millionfuckingtimes. Here's one where Jarrett is shilling a book written by John Solomon, everybody's favorite source for wholly fabricated "news" spoonfed to him either directly or indirectly by Russian intelligence.
This book is a MUST BUY! https://t.co/3F0KK6fckh— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589138293.0
Trump RTed John Solomon himself too, who was snowflake-whining about the Illinois governor's stay-at-home order.
He RTed wingnut NRO writer Andy McCarthya bunch of times, because McCarthy has written a ton of badstupid conspiracy theory shit abut Rod Rosenstein and the Russia investigation. He RTed absolute randos who tweeted things like "Sally Yates is the real blackmailer," and also other weirdass conspiracy theories about the Michael Flynn investigation. He RTed one particular unhinged weirdo like eleventy-thousand times, because that guy was READING THE TRAsncriPTS and livetweeting it.
He RTed lonely MAGA white-power hand-sign (she was just being ironic!) weirdo Cassandra Fairbanks.
He RTed himself. A lot.
He tweeted articles from the Federalist, including some written by mindnumbing dipshit pundit Mollie Hemingway. He tweeted Judge Jeanine videos. And Hannity videos. And Jesse Watters videos. Surprise, they were all about Obama's scam Russia hoax and related syphilitic brain-worms, because that's what the president cares the most about right this second.
Oh yeah, and Trump RTed this Fox News idiot promising another "bombshell" this week, so god fucking knows what kind of bath-salts-snorting shit we're going to be dealing with by Thursday.
And then he started RTing the replies from MAGA nobodies, because he had nothing better this weekend to do than read the replies to his ALL-CAPS MELTDOWNS.
Oh yeah, did we mention Trump is very upset with Chuck Todd? He is very upset with Chuck Todd.
Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd should be FIRED by “Concast” (NBC) for this fraud. He knew exactly what he was doing. Public… https://t.co/DSIA7n9zxq— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589164907.0
Do you care what that word salad means? Nope.
Do you want to hear all about Trump losing his shit at California Governor Gavin Newsom on Saturday, for making the upcoming CA-25 special election "rigged," by expanding access to mail-in voting so people don't die of coronavirus?
So in California, the Democrats, who fought like crazy to get all mail in only ballots, and succeeded, have just op… https://t.co/LE9SVxqCWm— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589039102.0
Governor @GavinNewsom of California won’t let restaurants, beaches and stores open, but he installs a voting booth… https://t.co/Pi5NbiC0n8— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589051677.0
Oh yeah, we almost forgot!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589112633.0
Good job, Trump! Now get back to expressing those angry anal glands on Twitter!
Can you imagine Trump, and what he must smell like, holed up in the residence, doing nothing but live-tweeting Fox News in a senile rage for three days straight? And should we even spend time debunking these conspiracy theories we've been debunking for the last four years? Nah, it's all just gaslighting. He can go fuck himself.
Now it is Monday, and Trump is hard at work.
OBAMAGATE! https://t.co/mSmWsbfOWf— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589202179.0
That's right, he screamed "OBAMAGATE!" again, while retweeting himself thanking a Twitter nobody for licking his bunghole.
OBAMAGATE makes Watergate look small time!— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589206608.0
Because it was OBAMAGATE, and he and Sleepy Joe led the charge. The most corrupt administration in U.S. history! https://t.co/PTzFvvITh3— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1589210775.0
Again, that is all from this morning. And we're not even sharing the one million retweets of fucking idiot nobodies, or whatever other lies Trump tweeted, from this morning.
Let's check the coronavirus death tracker to see what a Make America Great Again day we're having.
Aren't you glad your president has this all under control and has time to play on Twitter? We sure are.
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