Obama's Sweet Ride Breaks Down In Israel Because The Wingnuts Needed A New Metaphor
Happy Israel Day! Yes! The President is in the Holy Land for the first time ever you guys, and it is so exciting and full of love and Scientology-style billion-year-contracts of eternal and forever alliances, and oh my God,what is wrong with your sweet ride, Pres O?
"We experienced mechanical trouble with one of the cars," said Edwin Donovan, a spokesman for the Secret Service. "We don't know the cause."
"That's why we bring different multiple vehicles," Donovan said.
THEN the Secret Service released a follow-up statement:
"One of our protective vehicles experienced mechanical problems in Israel earlier today. This is why we bring multiple vehicles and a mechanic on all trips. [Along with like 50 chefs, a taster, and a projectionist, probably.] Situations like this are planned for extensively by our advance teams so that the President's itinerary is unaffected by these types of issues."
This is a very official-sounding problem and smart-sounding response we are getting from the Secret Service! It must have been terribly technical! Or probably someone put diesel fuel in the Beast's gasoline tank? It's lucky this situation was "planned for extensively," no?
You know, here in America, that is happily not really a thing you can do, because as some of us have found when distracted at the gas station, if you try to shove one of those diesel nozzles into, say, a 2006 Toyota, it will simply not fit, not at all, no matter how hard the driver stares at it, befuddled and concerned as to why her gas tank has shrunk.
So how about that? When the President goes to Israel, they have different multiple vehicles ready for him and that is cool, because luckily he wasn't in the back of The Beast looking all silly while waiting for his crack mechanic to put the wrong fuel in his one and only ride.
Hey wait a minute. Wait. A. Minute. Why isn't the Secret Service just telling us outright that they did something stupid? You know what other incident was hushed up and minimized and downplayed? (BENGHAZIIIII!!!!1!) And just who does the President think he is having all these cars and mechanics at his disposal, and where the hell is CPAC darling Rand Paul? He needs to tell us who to fire for this one.
AND HEY, by the way, I JUST learned what twitter really even is, and am now trying to start a twitter war with Dok? So you know, if you do that kind of thing, will you follow me? @FakaktaSouth y'all, and also @wonkette, of course.