Of All The Classless Trump A-Holes, We Think We'll Miss Melania Most Of All
We already knew Donald Trump was too small of a man-baby to leave office with any class, to even try to do any of the ceremonial things real presidents do when they leave office. There will be no meeting with the incoming president, and we are pretty sure he won't leave any nice letters for Joe Biden, not that Biden would want one anyway. Trump's ego really wanted some kind of big military parade send-off, so he could try to upstage the actual inauguration with his own departure, but it appears the Pentagon told him to fuck off.
And now CNN is confirming what we already assumed about our classless dickhead first lady, Melon, namely that she can't even be bothered to greet Dr. Jill Biden and do the traditional thing where the outgoing first lady shows the incoming first lady around the residence. We guess in Melania's case, the tour probably would have involved some sort of obstacle course where medieval daggers fall out of the ceiling if you step on a crack, considering what her Christmas decorations look like, but whatever.
This, after Michelle Obama was so kind to Melania Trump in 2017. There was the tiniest hint of hope, almost too faint to be seen, that maybe something normal might happen, that Donald Trump might at least try to grow into the presidency, when after he and his wife spent years vilifying the Obamas, Trump tweeted out on inauguration day that Melania really was getting along with "Mrs. O." It was the first time we'd seen something that almost seemed like a normal human reaction from him. It was also the last.
We'd share you that tweet except for how it's no longer available because Donald Trump is not allowed to have Twitter. But here is Michelle Obama being kind to Melania Trump. You'll remember also how kind Barack Obama was to El Shitbrick.
It's fine, of course. Melania Trump, like her husband, is fundamentally incapable of doing the right, humble, classy thing. And besides, Jill Biden has already spent a ton of time in the residence, so we imagine she knows where the various things are. And if she gets lost or cannot figure out the thermostat, there is this other first lady who lives like five minutes away, who'd obviously be more than happy to come help.
As for the rest of the inauguration ceremonies, CNN reports that the Bidens will be greeted at the White House by White House chief usher Timothy Harleth. Tomorrow afternoon, they'll lay a wreath at Arlington National Cemetery, and all the former presidents who are not named Trump or Carter will be with them. So will all the former first ladies. (Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter are very old, and are staying safe at home during the global pandemic.)
So fuck it. The Trumps don't need to be there for any of that shit. The Bidens can restart all the traditions when they hand the presidency to Kamala Harris, and Kamala Harris can continue them when she hands it to Stacey Abrams.
Left with no military parade to send them off, CNN is reporting that the Trumps plan tomorrow to go to Andrews Air Force Base super-duper early in the morning, and that they've been begging people to show up to wave BYE BYE! at the most disgraced first couple in American history as they fuck off into the sky for the very last time on Air Force One. They specifically said on the invitations that people could bring as many as five people along with them, we guess to pad the crowd size.
Anthony Scaramucci even got an invite, because apparently it's just a mass email like puh-leeze somebody come to this thing puh-leeeeeeeze:
And even sadder:
On Monday afternoon, an administration official told CNN the bells and whistles might all be for a very big audience of one — the President — and a small audience of others: "So far, there haven't been a lot of RSVPs."
You hate to see it.
Finally, with Trump and Melon running away to Florida early, that likely means Donald Trump Jr. and Eric won't even be at the White House to show Hunter Biden his room and tell him which Secret Service agents will let him stay up past bedtime if he's really well-behaved. What a travesty.
The Trump presidency is over in about 27 hours. We are almost there.
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