Sorry we didn't do this yesterday -- we were at Disneyland, haha, just like that pardoned presidential turkey -- but as it's still only 10:30 in the morning on the East Coast and 7:30 a.m. on the West Coast, we'll make the wild assumption that you're all not up and cooking already. (Many of you will not be "up and cooking" all day long, and for this we either toast you or weep for you, depending on the reasons for your particular circumstance.)

ANYWAY, we have combed through the vile jokes in this wonderful old Wonkette comments collection of Wonkette Commenter Thanksgiving Recipes, and here are some of the actual good recipes. Add your own, etc.! Happy Indian Syphilis Day!

CivicHoliday November 26, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Ok, fer serious, this is a simply yummy fruit dish:

6 oz lemon yogurt

1/2 cup slivered almonds, toasted

1 green apple, diced

1 red apple, diced

2 pears, diced

1 cup seedless grapes, halved

2 tbs orange juice

1 tsp lemon juice

dash of orange zest

(mix and enjoy!)

P.S. That poor turkey has to give the prez a bj for his pardon. That’s how we do it in ‘murica, bitches

american mutt November 26, 2008 at 12:50 pm

vegetarian, green, enchiladas:

corn tortillas

green sauce (tomatillos, garlic, onion, green peppers)

olive oil

potatoes

a crumbly mexican (or plan feta cheese)

onions

1. boil potatoes

2. dice onions

3. dice potatoes

4. crumble cheese

5. mix potatoes, onions, cheese in bowl

6. have green sauce prepared

7. warm oil in pan

8. green sauce on low in something

9. lightly cook corn tortillas in oil till they are lightly toasted

10. dip in green sauce – let sit for 30 seconds

11. place tortilla in baking dish

12. put potato, cheese, onion stuff in tortilla

13. fold tortilla

14. repeat

15. crumble cheese on top of unbaked enchiladas

16. bake items in oven on 375 for 20mins.

17. enjoy

18. why did i go through all this trouble to post a recipe on wonkette?

populucious November 26, 2008 at 1:04 pm

The only drink you will need. It has fruit in it, so it’s healthy, and it has gin in it, so you wont remember anything:

Mother’s Ruin Punch

1/2 cup granulated sugar

3/4 cup chilled club soda

1 1/2 cups gin

1 1/2 cups Fresh squeezed grapefruit juice, plus slices for garnish

3/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice

3/4 cup sweet vermouth

2 1/4 cup Champagne or sparkling wine

Ice

In a picher, dissolve sugar into club soda. Add the gin & juice (with your mind on your money and your money on your mind) and the sweet vermouth. Refrigerate for about an hour. Either put the chilled gin & juice in a punch bowl and add the champagne, or pour gin & juice into glasses and top off with the champagne. Or, you know, drink the gin & juice straight from the picher and then finish by slamming a bottle of champagne. Whatever works best to deaden the sound of your mother’s bitter tears.

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!!

Ken Layne November 26, 2008 at 1:09 pm

Here are some recipes from your editor, as told to SK Smith in our secret Wonkette editorial chat thing:

“Oh here is a vegetemable dish to please yr friends, Sara: Go to the farmer’s market (or whatev store has good organic greens) and get a bunch of handsome Brussels Sprouts, and you paint these fuckers up heavy with olive oil, and you BROIL them until the outer buddies get nearly black and crispy. The insides get all perfect.

(with none of the BITTERZ that people sometimes don’t like)

and a bunch of rock salt. They are very tasty. If they’re too big, cut ‘em in half and put them cut-side up to the flame.”