Officials Return Abramoff Monies Amid Choruses of "How'd That Happen?"
Funny thing about most politicians: they spend the bulk of their careers campaigning, tirelessly attempting to impress upon their constituents that their keen minds are indispensible. But as we often see, when it suits them, they suddenly pivot and, quite frankly, pretend to lack the intelligence that God bequeaths to the average handful of tulip bulbs.
"How on earth did my dick comes to be confined within that person's mouth?" they ask, continuing, "But all the newspapers said that everyone in New Orleans were totally fine!" pausing only to add, "Who would have thought that, in laying out specific anti-terrorist powers, the Congress didn't actually grant me the authority to use all these other powers that they didn't specifically lay out on a carte blanche basis?"
Now that Abramoffukkah is fully upon us, the parade of elected officials handing back the proceeds they've received from the disgraced lobbyist has begun in earnest, with President Bush, Tom Delay, Roy Blunt and Bob Ney returning monies. They'll keep the interest earned on the principal provided, natch. And it will be danced to the tune of "We had no idea!" despite the fact that Abramoff has had visible cartoon stink lines emanating from his person for quite some time.
Roy Blunt's spokeswoman, Burson Taylor, sings the refrain: "While we firmly believe the contributions were legal at the time of receipt, the plea indicates that such contributions may not have been given in the spirit in which they were received." Oh my golly! How did this happen!
Not that any voters out there will likely care, but in the recorded history of lobbyists, the "spirit" of their exchange has been a singular one--cf. "How on earth did my dick comes to be confined within that person's mouth?"— DCEIVER