Oh By The Way, Devin Nunes's Super Secret Classified Spy Briefing Yesterday? YOOOOOGE Knuckle Turd!

Pop quiz! What's the definition of insanity? That's right, it is being crazy and dumb enough to have thought during the 2016 election season that Donald Trump, a grotesque and giant pile of foreskin and lies who is bad at business, would have been a good person to vote for.

Insanity is also constantly throwing shit at the wall -- meaningless shit, made-up shit, Fox News conspiracy theory shit -- and thinking that FINALLY AT LONG LAST, you will find the #SmokingGun that proves the investigation into Trump and Russia is unfair or illegal, or the #SmokingGun that clears Trump and his people of all conspiracy crimes past, present and future. Like, what kind of A IDIOT would believe that?

Devin Nunes and Donald Trump, that is who.

How many things have we been through? Wire tapps! FBI text messages! Dodgy Dossier! THE MEMO! THE MEMO THE MEMO THE MEMO! Hillary Uraniums! A million more things we can't even think of right now! In one way, those are all different, but they are the same in that they are all things invented in the dumb B-holes of people like Trump and Nunes, and every single time they debut one of these new conspiracy theories it always falls apart for them in record time.

And such it has been with SPYGATE, the thing where Trump and Fucking Devin are REAL SURE that the presence of an "informant" who "brushed up" against the Trump campaign (called up the Russian agents working for Trump and said, "hey, you heard anything about these Crooked Hillary emails?") meant the DEEP STATE had sent SPIES into the Trump campaign, in order to prevent Trump from becoming president. Muchly scandal! Bigly illegal!

Over at ShareBlue, Tommy Christopher pulls together quotes from both Republican and Democratic leaders saying that yesterday's classified briefing, the one where they were going to find the smoking gun on SPYGATE and whatever else exists in Nunes and Trump's fever dreams right now, was a giant knuckle turd that changed nothing.

Here's Mitch McConnell's reaction to the briefing he got as a member of the Gang of Eight:

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., told NPR in an interview that he continues to support the Mueller Russia investigation — and that nothing in Thursday's hotly anticipated secret briefing on the Russia probe to congressional leaders changed his mind.

"The two investigations going on that I think will give us the answers to the questions that you raise — the [inspector general] investigation in the Justice Department and the Mueller investigation," McConnell said. "I support both of them, and I don't really have anything to add to this subject based upon the Gang of Eight briefing that we had today, which was classified."

Turtlefucker all YUP, the Mueller investigation is good, and hey, it's good that the inspector general is going to make sure all the T's were dotted and the I's were crossed in how the Trump-Russia investigation got started. Fun Gang of Eight briefing, everyone, next time let's skip it and do Applebee's happy hour instead!

Here's Adam Schiff, Democratic ranking member on the House Intel Committee:

“Nothing we heard today has changed our view that there is no evidence to support any allegation that the FBI or any intelligence agency placed a ‘spy’ in the Trump Campaign, or otherwise failed to follow appropriate procedures and protocols,” Schiff told reporters following the afternoon Gang of 8 meeting.

And what does Devin Nunes say? He says NOTHING. Devin Fucking Nunes is a very stupid man, and he always thinks he's going to uncover a secret conspiracy, even though millions of people always try to explain reality to him, and he never finds the thing he's looking for. After he's made a fool of himself YET AGAIN, he slinks away and shuts his fucking cow-loving face for a while, until he REPEATS THE ENTIRE PROCESS WITH A NEW THING, having learned exactly nothing.

He has a long history of this, long before the Trump-Russia conspiracy was a glimmer on the end of Vladimir Putin's dick.

As we splained you this morning, despite earlier (wrong) reports, Chief of Staff John Kelly and White House Russia lawyer Emmet Flood were not actually in these briefings, though for some weird and inappropriate reason, they convened them. We are guessing that's why President Shitmouth has not been looped into the fact that Nunes's latest sad-ass attempt to obstruct the Russia investigation was such a giant knuckle turd.

Let's look at that dumb motherfucker's tweets from this morning, and then LOLOLOLOL all the way through our five martini lunches:

Hahahahaha, he's quoting Mollie Hemingway, one of the few humans in America who may be stupider than Donald Trump! LOLOLOLOLOL!

Bless all these motherfuckers' hearts, we mean it.

Now, about that five martini lunch ...

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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