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Not a Nazi, shut up, don't say that.


After Donald Trump appeared in the tacky-ass gold-plated lobby of Trump Tower to make his definitive statement on Charlottesville, which was that at least the Nazis, some of whom were just lovely people, had a permit to protest, we wondered which Fox News douche-chunk would win the white supremacist crown in his defense of Trump. Tucker Carlson or Sean Hannity? Sean or Tucker? Both of them, Katie??? It looks like, BY A HAIR, Tucker Carlson wins this round, because of this quote from Tuesday night's show (start around 2:35 in):

One of the things I don't like about some of these white supremacist groups is that race is at the center of their world view, and I don't want to live in a world where race is at the center of the worldview.

"One of the things" he doesn't like about SOME OF the Nazis is how they are racist. Not sure what the other things Carlson doesn't like about Nazis are. They seem to agree on gypsies!

Maybe he's worried they get more pussy than he does. Maybe he wishes they would focus their violence on people who scare him a lot more, like gay dudes and transgender folks using the bathroom. MAYBE! We just don't know.

Anyway, Carlson agrees that both sides do it, especially the Left side, which is racist against racists, racistly:

I see people with signs attacking white supremacy or it's always about race with them as well. ... They seem every bit as race-obsessed and angry as the people they are fighting. But nobody acknowledges that for some reason.

"For some reason." That's right, Tucker, who among us (if not Donald Trump!) will defend bigots against the reverse-bigots who unfairly hate them for being bigots? He didn't mention Black Lives Matter right then, but we assume he thought it, because Tucker Carlson is the kind of racist puddle of human excrement who thinks that when black people stand up and say they'd like to have the right to life and liberty just like everybody else, that they are somehow slurring white people.

By the way, Tucker Carlson really hates it when you call him a Nazi apologist, so even though he's engaging in WhatAboutIsm and trying to make liberals out to be the REAL racists, which would suggest that if he had been in Charlottesville, he'd have felt fairly at home holding a tiki torch, don't say that. It's just not nice and it hurts his feelings.

Also don't mention how the Nazi Fuckstain who rammed his car into the crowd and murdered Heather Heyer just might have gotten that idea from a video published by The Daily Caller, which was founded by ... Tucker Carlson! (Fox News, Carlson's employer, also had a post like that. Surprise, they have both suddenly been deleted.)

Here's another segment, where Carlson explains that Trump was totally right to say removing Confederate monuments is a slippery slope -- here in this week after literal Nazis killed people over the removal of a confederate monument -- and that before we know it, those evil leftists (the real racists) are going to demand we take down statues of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. He then lists a group of really awesome people who ALSO owned slaves, like Plato, Muhammad and the Aztecs, because that's relevant:

 

Oh no! The liberals are going to take down all the statues of Plato and the Aztecs! And they would take the Muhammad statues down, except for how there aren't any!

Once again, and SLOWLY, for slow people like Tucker Carlson: Confederate "heroes" like Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson were traitors to America who started a civil war SOLELY to preserve slavery, at the very same time a whole bunch of other Americans and Abraham Lincoln were ENDING SLAVERY. Now, we don't know which side of that fight Jefferson and Washington and Plato and the Aztecs would have been on, had they all been alive and American in the 1860s, but ...

GO FUCK YOURSELF, TUCKER CARLSON, NONE OF THIS IS REMOTELY THE POINT, AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.

Apropos of nothing, here's a video Vox put together of Nazi Richard Spencer, white supremacist David Duke, and the Daily Stormer defying biology and jizz-sploding out of their flaccid dicks about how much they looooooooooooove Tucker Carlson. It's not because he's one of them, though, heck nope.

 

Oh great, now you watched that video and you think Tucker Carlson is a racist white supremacist Nazi now. Didn't we JUST tell you not to call him that? Don't call him that. It's definitely not true. Nuh uh! NOPE.

Eh fuck it, we report, you decide, etc.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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