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his hands do look soft


Poor Scott Pruitt! He ain't got no money, he tried to abuse his position to get his wife some Chick-fil-A restaurants because she ain't got no money neither, they got BILLS, BILLS, BILLS, he ain't got nowhere to lay his head down at night, so he had to make one of his aides try to get him a jizz-soaked mattress from the Trump hotel, he can't afford lunch so he's always at the White House trying to beg them for those "Chocolate Freedom" cakes he likes ... oh, and all his staff is quitting because even they are sick of the grift they've been actively participating in.

And now the Washington Post is reporting on more indignity from old Can-I-Bum-A-Cigarette-From-You Pruitt (allegedly, if he is even a smoker), and it is #LOTIONGATE.

WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? This is a very important story about an EPA chief and that lube he likes!

So the deal is that Pruitt has apparently been sending his 24/7 security detail, which cost $3.5 million last year, on all kinds of errands for him, which is totally Not Legal for government officials such as he. For instance, he had them go get his dry-cleaning, and also made them search high and low and near and far for that lube he likes.

WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WaPo doesn't specifically say it is sexxx lube, only that it is his favorite, it is fancy, it is "moisturizing lotion," and that it's offered at the Ritz-Carlton. We don't know if it's the complimentary lotion you get at the Ritz-Carlton, or if it's something you have to call the room service for, like maybe if you are about to have an extra special intercourse moment with your wife because you're about to tell her you've been abusing your authority at the EPA in order to get her some free Chick-fil-A franchises and oh she will be so excited when you tell her!

WaPo also doesn't state specifically whether Pruitt likes to use this lotion on his hands, his face, his grifty, supple buttocks, or on his ...

WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

You are going nowhere, because this is your end of day open thread. Sorry to get all Scott Pruitt's dick lotion all over it (ALLEGEDLY).

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Oh good, Jared Kushner decided to pick today to come out from the hidey hole where he back channels with Russians and the Saudi Murder Prince while lustily fingering the security clearance unlawfully procured for him by an unelected president.

That's just super.

It was at the Time 100 event, not because Jared was on the Time 100 this year, but we guess because he was on it in 2017. His profile back then was written by Henry Kissinger, who predicted he would be a "success." We guess this happened during a part of the event called "The Time 100's Biggest Bloopers, OMG" ... oh wait, hold on, Wonkette has just been informed that Time was being serious when it invited Jared.

Our bad.

Say something stupid in reaction to the release of the Mueller Report, J-Kush:

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We swear that John Cornyn is an honest-to-goodness US senator. Yet this is what the Texas Republican (or at least his campaign team) is tweeting while serious people are discussing impeaching the president.

Team Cornyn's tweet quickly found itself a resident of Ratio-ville, where the presiding mayor is Howard Schultz. But why did this crack team of political savants scour Twitter for old-ass tweets from one of the new Mads on "Mystery Science Theater 3000"? Is Patton Oswalt running for Senate? He's certainly more fit for office than Donald Trump. No, apparently, the comedian is just a supporter of a Senate candidate. Democrat MJ Hegar just launched her campaign today to unseat Cornyn in 2020, and Team Cornyn's rapid response was to attack someone who once said nice things about her. Seriously, they have no other connection.

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