Oh Great, Now Scott Pruitt Will Never Get That Fancy Lube He Likes!

his hands do look soft

Poor Scott Pruitt! He ain't got no money, he tried to abuse his position to get his wife some Chick-fil-A restaurants because she ain't got no money neither, they got BILLS, BILLS, BILLS, he ain't got nowhere to lay his head down at night, so he had to make one of his aides try to get him a jizz-soaked mattress from the Trump hotel, he can't afford lunch so he's always at the White House trying to beg them for those "Chocolate Freedom" cakes he likes ... oh, and all his staff is quitting because even they are sick of the grift they've been actively participating in.

And now the Washington Post is reporting on more indignity from old Can-I-Bum-A-Cigarette-From-You Pruitt (allegedly, if he is even a smoker), and it is #LOTIONGATE.

WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? This is a very important story about an EPA chief and that lube he likes!

So the deal is that Pruitt has apparently been sending his 24/7 security detail, which cost $3.5 million last year, on all kinds of errands for him, which is totally Not Legal for government officials such as he. For instance, he had them go get his dry-cleaning, and also made them search high and low and near and far for that lube he likes.


WaPo doesn't specifically say it is sexxx lube, only that it is his favorite, it is fancy, it is "moisturizing lotion," and that it's offered at the Ritz-Carlton. We don't know if it's the complimentary lotion you get at the Ritz-Carlton, or if it's something you have to call the room service for, like maybe if you are about to have an extra special intercourse moment with your wife because you're about to tell her you've been abusing your authority at the EPA in order to get her some free Chick-fil-A franchises and oh she will be so excited when you tell her!

WaPo also doesn't state specifically whether Pruitt likes to use this lotion on his hands, his face, his grifty, supple buttocks, or on his ...


You are going nowhere, because this is your end of day open thread. Sorry to get all Scott Pruitt's dick lotion all over it (ALLEGEDLY).

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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