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his hands do look soft


Poor Scott Pruitt! He ain't got no money, he tried to abuse his position to get his wife some Chick-fil-A restaurants because she ain't got no money neither, they got BILLS, BILLS, BILLS, he ain't got nowhere to lay his head down at night, so he had to make one of his aides try to get him a jizz-soaked mattress from the Trump hotel, he can't afford lunch so he's always at the White House trying to beg them for those "Chocolate Freedom" cakes he likes ... oh, and all his staff is quitting because even they are sick of the grift they've been actively participating in.

And now the Washington Post is reporting on more indignity from old Can-I-Bum-A-Cigarette-From-You Pruitt (allegedly, if he is even a smoker), and it is #LOTIONGATE.

WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? This is a very important story about an EPA chief and that lube he likes!

So the deal is that Pruitt has apparently been sending his 24/7 security detail, which cost $3.5 million last year, on all kinds of errands for him, which is totally Not Legal for government officials such as he. For instance, he had them go get his dry-cleaning, and also made them search high and low and near and far for that lube he likes.

WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WaPo doesn't specifically say it is sexxx lube, only that it is his favorite, it is fancy, it is "moisturizing lotion," and that it's offered at the Ritz-Carlton. We don't know if it's the complimentary lotion you get at the Ritz-Carlton, or if it's something you have to call the room service for, like maybe if you are about to have an extra special intercourse moment with your wife because you're about to tell her you've been abusing your authority at the EPA in order to get her some free Chick-fil-A franchises and oh she will be so excited when you tell her!

WaPo also doesn't state specifically whether Pruitt likes to use this lotion on his hands, his face, his grifty, supple buttocks, or on his ...

WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

You are going nowhere, because this is your end of day open thread. Sorry to get all Scott Pruitt's dick lotion all over it (ALLEGEDLY).

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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