Oh, Here She Comes! Watch Out, Trump, Pelosi Will Chew You Up!


The government shutdown over Donald Trump's stupid WALL is trudging along, and the only relevant question in political horse race circles is who's to blame? Outgoing House Speaker Paul Ryan was too busy filming masturbatory content about himself for his Ayn Rand YouTube channel to prevent the shutdown. Mitch McConnell says it's up to Senate Democrats and Trump to end the stalemate, because he's only the majority leader so leave him alone and stop calling him. It's obvious the men have done all they can. Clearly, it's a woman's fault that thousands of federal employees will soon resort to dumpster diving.

Mick Mulvaney, who according to my Playbill is currently playing the role of White House chief of staff, said Friday that Nancy Pelosi is responsible for dragging out the shutdown because she won't just give Trump everything he wants. In a classic case of Freudian projection, Mulvaney contends the only reason for Pelosi's obstinance is that she wants to appease her base.

"They left town," he said of the Democrats during an appearance on "Fox & Friends."

"And I think the reason they did is because Nancy Pelosi, in fairness, does not have the votes for the speakership yet. She cannot be seen by her party as being weak on negotiating with Donald Trump."

"So we fully expect that until she is elected speaker and has locked that vote up, we don't expect to hear from the Democrats again."

Pelosi is conducting tough negotiations like a BOSS. She has all the leverage and no reason to back down. Yes, she could try to extract from Trump a deal on DACA or even more comprehensive immigration reform. But she can get all that without giving ground on what she sees as an overall moral wrong.

Besides, more Americans blame Trump for the continued shutdown (probably because it's his fault), so he's only weakened further the longer it goes on. Trump isn't helping matters by tweeting more deranged and heartless crap on the regular. He hired someone to write "The Art of the Deal" him. Maybe he can get a White House intern to read it to him so he can grasp the complexities of tense negotiations. He's in the ring now with a legislative Ali and might get hurt.

Trump's new Number Two later revived the annoying henpecked husband narrative from the Bill Clinton administration when he later suggested that Senate Minority Leader and overall useless person Chuck Schumer would make a deal if not for that castrating shrew Pelosi.

A Harvard CAPS/Harris poll this week showed that most Americans don't want Trump's stupid WALL. Schumer's not the sharpest knife in the drawer but would he make a deal to please primarily Republicans and save Trump's ass? How did Mulvaney get it into his head that Schumer's open to a deal? Did he screw up during that recent meeting at the White House like Sonny in The Godfather?

SCHUMER: Mr. President, you're saying you guarantee a deal on immigration reform?

PELOSI: I have a sentimental weakness for New York senators and I spoil them, as you can see. They talk when they should listen.

Pelosi is in a stronger position ending the shutdown as the newly regenerated Speaker and demonstrating how she's worth five Paul Ryans and the old lady pensions he's raided combined. Desperate Republicans can try to blame her for the disaster they made but no one's buying it. Pelosi regains her gavel in a few days, and she's not even giving Trump a few pfennigs for a "beaded curtain."

AND NOW, your open thread!

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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