Oh Hey, Is It Cool If We Liveblog HISTORY?
Good god, that is a gloomy scene at the McCain party in Phoenix. Two McCain top people have told CNN they see "no path to victory," considering the situation. This might be an early concession speech. Or not, who knows? Maybe McCain will force Sarah Palin, at gunpoint, to crawl around on her knees in a bikini while he savagely beats her, like a pinata. This is the "Arizona Way," after all.
10:30 PM -- Does everyone seemed stunned tonight? Even the massive crowd in Grant Park, in Chicago, seems stunned. Even though we saw it going this way, pretty clearly, for at least a month.
10:30 PM -- Ha ha, Mark Salter talked to Howard Fineman tonight and sounded like he was "run over by a truck," according to Fineman.
10:30 PM -- What happens when the current GOP crumbles? And it really could happen, and probably will happen. Probably a new Tory-Elitist-Educated party, based in the Northeast and led by ... Bloomberg? He has plans. And probably a Western branch led by Arnold. But the dumb-redneck era of politics is over, forever, we hope.
10:32 PM -- Ha hah, John McCain is holed up in the "Goldwater Suite." They've known for what, two months, that this was over? How did they go on?
10:37 PM -- Polls almost closed on the West Coast! McCain could turn this thing around! (Ha ha.)
10:41 PM -- John McCain is projected to win South Dakota, which is too bad, as it sort of seemed like Obama might've won that state, just to be a dick.
10:41 PM -- Five more states close in 19 minutes, hooray! But what the hell with Florida, and Virginia?
10:42 PM -- The terrible comedian Al Franken is 43-41 over Norm. St. Paul may finally get its revenge on Coleman.
10:43 PM -- FOX NEWS CALLS VIRGINIA FOR OBAMA!!!
10:46 PM -- Anderson Cooper is talking to the hologram of some dude in a jaunty hat.
10:47 PM -- Who is this guy? Ah, he is the famous Willheim "Sam I Yam" I. Am.
10:48 PM -- It is great that CNN got a shitty holodeck, isn't it?
10:52 PM -- Jeez, no wonder Brit Hume decided to retire. He knew what was coming. Then again, he was so freaking gloomy and dismal on Election Night 2004 that your editor sort of thought Kerry had it wrapped up, and we know how that worked out.
10:55 PM -- Oh swell, fat scumtwat Bill Bennett will "pray for Barack Obama" if Obama is president.
10:56 PM -- Check this out, people: Barack Obama is president of the United States of America.