Oh Look, It's The Tucker Carlson/Andrew Yang Bonerfest Literally Everyone Saw Coming

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Oh Look, It's The Tucker Carlson/Andrew Yang Bonerfest Literally Everyone Saw Coming

We know it's probably too soon, but y'all should know that immediately after Andrew Yang broke up with you — it's not your fault, it's just that he needs his independence — he rebounded with Tucker Carlson. Because when you're looking to get rid of all this partisanship and make some third party unity happen, where you gonna go? Tucker, obviously.

Or as our pals at Lawyers, Guns & Money put it:

[T]here are two things a third party not of the right can accomplish in the current system: 1) electing Republicans or 2) nothing. That's it. When America's most prominent white supremacist and anti-vaxx bingo caller invites him on, he know what he's doing.

Oh pshaw, we bet all Tucker's viewers signed up for Yang's "Forward" Party last night. And if they didn't, well, it's probably Democrats' fault, somehow. Maybe Yang and Tucker's other BFF groupie Glenn Greenwald can make a video explaining everything the Democrats did wrong while they feed Tucker grapes.

Anyway, want to see how their date went? Here's Tucker telling Yang that the Unabomber had some pretty good ideas.

TUCKER CARLSON: Ted Kaczynski I have to say has written very convincingly on this, the Unabomber, bad person, but a smart analysis I think of the way systems work.

We want you to understand how Tucker got to flicking his tongue in the Unabomber's general direction.

Yang was explaining that his new political party — you know, the one he immediately went on Tucker to "promote" after breaking up with the Democrats — is actually a PAC right now, and not a political party. Because, he said, you can't just be a political party "on day one, you have to do a bunch of stuff." And Tucker Carlson, without missing a beat, said YES, TED KACZYNSKI THE AUTHOR AND UNABOMBER WROTE SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR CURRENT STRUGGLE.

Sorry, that was the whole context. Didn't mean to give the impression there was anything more than Yang saying words and Tucker saying SPEAKING OF THE UNABOMBER HAVING GOOD IDEAS ...

So that was a weird part of the date.

Another weird part was when Tucker said he's not racist but he has some "cultural objections" to immigration. Haha just kidding, he didn't say he wasn't racist.

TUCKER CARLSON: The objections that people have to immigration are mostly cultural. We can argue whether those are legitimate or not, I have those reservations, I'll be honest.

Tucker said his "main reservations are economic," though. That's right, Tucker Carlson, he is the epitome of an Economic Reservation Haver.

Yang, instead of saying "OMG wow, how did I end up here" and immediately leaving, continued the conversation by telling his own story about how he is the child of successful immigrants, saying there's a "class of immigrants that are awesome for the country." Tucker agreed that yes, there is a "class" of immigrants that are OK! And they just kept talking, like Tucker wasn't America's most famous white supremacist and promoter of the Great Replacement theory.

Then again, Yang's very stupid website for his very stupid new party does say it's welcoming to people "of every political alignment." Very fine people on both sides, eh, Yang?

Finally, here's a clip of Tucker on his night-time show promoting his day-time interview with Yang, which definitely shows you how much Tucker supports Yang's real goal of siphoning votes away from Democrats and ultimately just helping more white supremacist fascist Republicans get elected third party forward unity snowflake blowjob unicorn candy cane universal Bitcoin income puppy snuggle butterfly kisses.


No transcript, because it's not about a quote, it's about the overall FEELING, of unity, and togetherness, and moving forward, that pervades the air when Andrew Yang and Tucker Carlson meld their minds.

Just kidding, fuck Tucker and fuck Andrew Yang, the end.

[Media Matters / ibid.]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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