Oh Look! Another Dating App For The Basket Of Unf*ckables!
Though Donald Trump promised his followers they'd win so much they'd be tired of winning, one thing that has plagued them since he first stepped on the national stage is their abject failure on the dating scene. As it turns out, for the rest of the population, being a person who thinks it's super swell to tear-gas children is kind of a bonerkiller.
There's been a slew of articles about how super hard it is for Trumpists to get anyone to date them -- and my personal favorite, an essay in The Federalist about how women were to blame for Trump because of their refusal to bone down with conservative men. Cassandra Fairbanks got banned from OKCupid for sending pro-Trump/anti-Clinton messages to people like a weirdo; Christopher "Crying Nazi" was also banned from OKCupid for ... being an actual Nazi; and Jack Posobiec, who is married, got banned from Bumble. Bumble has also banned people for fat-shaming women on their app, and has banned pictures of guns in profile photos.
It's been hard out there for these jerks, and, in response, a number of dating sites have popped up over the past two years aiming to help them out.
There was Trump Singles. There was the dating site for Trump lovers that made a convicted child molester the face of their brand. There was Donald Daters, which exposed all of its users' data the very week it launched.
And now we have Righter.Righter is a new conservative dating app created by Trump supporter Christy Edwards Lawton, who says she came up with the idea after meeting a very attractive lady at a party in New York who said no one wanted to date her because she's a Republican. Appalled that men would take something other than looks into account when choosing a prospective mate, she decided to create a dating app where women like the one she met at that party would be able to connect with other people lacking any kind of human decency or empathy. Lawton is so serious about creating a safe space for deplorables (has anyone come up with DEPLORADATE yet?) that she said the company will sue any liberals who try to sign up.
Lawton explained the necessity of her app to The Daily Beast:
"I kept hearing repeatedly how they kept getting swiped left on and couldn't even get a date," said Lawton, who fundraised for Trump's 2016 campaign.
Lawton insists that the market is there. She said that ahead of the launch, she and her staff created tests profiles on apps like Tinder where they found profiles that rejected Trump voters outright. She also said they discovered Tinder users who would pay to "super-like" their accounts but reject them once they learned they supported Trump.
"You just paid money to like us, but you want nothing to do if we're conservative," Lawton said.
Oh, the schadenfreude. It's almost, again, like people don't want to fuck people who are bad people. At least not that kind of bad people. Honestly, if I were presented with the choice between someone who voted for Trump and a bank robber who did not, it would be bank robber every time. Plus, I'm pretty sure I could pull off some of Faye Dunway's outfits from Bonnie And Clyde. I look good in a beret.
The app also has some weird ass rules. For instance, if the man doesn't pay on the first date, he can be "reported," and photoshopping is not allowed.
Righter users can't hide their age, and the app will be policed for photoshopped pictures added to make a would-be dater look better. Users who are caught altering their pictures will get three strikes before getting the boot from Righter entirely.
"Females make themselves look different, younger, thinner, better," Lawton said. "That's not going to happen on our app."
Nice rules, very manosphere.
Then there's their Instagram. Let's look at some of the pics on their Instagram, shall we?
MEN INITIATE, WOMEN RESPOND. LIKE OLDEN TIMES.
Righter knows that ladies just want to be pretty and nurturing.
As we all know, liberal ladies wear pantsuits only. #BRINGBACKELEGANCE
Ah yes. The classic song. "When a man loves a woman, he cheats on her with a porn star while she's pregnant."
One thing I particularly enjoyed though is their posting of a scene from The Wonder Years, expressing a wistful fondness for the character of Winnie Cooper.
WINNIE COOPER CAMPAIGNED FOR GEORGE MCGOVERN, BITCHES. Winnie Cooper was a liberal.
Yeah, there was like a whole episode where Kevin (who kinda sucked, btw) got all jealous and shit because she was spending too much time campaigning for George McGovern. Winnie Cooper hated Nixon, her brother died in the Vietnam War -- which both she and Kevin protested in another episode in a school walkout. Winnie Cooper would have swiped left on Trump supporters just as quickly as any of us would.
But hey! Maybe they'll stand a chance on this new app. I wish them the best of luck. Personally, I'm in favor of anything that reduces the chances of me ever accidentally going out with a dude who has a picture of Reagan on his wall again.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse