Oh Noes Texas Might Vote To Secede! Whatever Shall We Do?

US of America News

Ready your handkerchiefs, for the great state of Texas is once again considering leaving us...for about the 80 kajillionth time. As of Friday, 22 Republican conventions in the state passed a resolution calling for the state convention to have an official vote on secession. This is up from 2012, when only one convention passed such a resolution. This December, these same folks tried to pass a measure to let Texas voters decide if they want to secede.


The secession push has been led by the Texas Nationalist Movement (because nothing bad has ever come out of a group with "Nationalist" in it's moniker), which, from what I can determine, believes that things are just getting too "Marxist" up in here or something.

Of course, given that secession is still considered a pretty unpopular idea and also not really a legal one, it's likely to be shot down at the actual state convention.

Generally speaking, most people you see calling for secession do not actually want to secede. What they want is for the rest of the country to go "OH NO DO NOT LEAVE US! YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO US! Please, we'll do whatever you want and you don't have to let the wimmins have abortions or let the gays have any rights or let trans people use the bathroom or any of that other stuff you don't like! Just don't leave!" I am quite familiar with this tactic, myself, as I often threatened to run away forever and never come back if my parents were going to make me clean my room and practice the piano. You know, when I was seven.

What they are also counting on is the fact that no one really feels like having another Civil War, and that to avoid such a thing, the country will let them have their way and do whatever they want. However, if Texas really were to attempt to secede, or any other state for that matter, I think at this point many people would be OK with just letting them go. Go and be well, I say!

Now, the Supreme Court ruled in 1869 that states don't have the right to secede from the Union. But instead of raining on their parade with "facts" and "laws" and things, I figure it's probably better to just let them vote on it and get it out of their system. Let them pack up their Snoopy suitcases with one sequined dance recital outfit, a Jem doll and some granola bars. Tell them we love them, but we understand if this is something they feel they have to do. And maybe they will leave, but then maybe they will also get bored and sad and realize it's probably easier just to play Greensleeves for a half an hour than it is to run away with the circus.

[Talking Points Memo]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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