Oh Nothing, Just Secret Kremlin Docs Showing Putin's Plan To Help Trump Steal 2016 Election

We've been hearing for years from US intelligence that Vladimir Putin "personally" approved operations in 2016 to help steal the election for Donald Trump. As many years of investigations have shown, those operations were extensive and involved members of Trump's personal team. As recently as this spring, we the general public got even closer to understanding what appears to be Paul Manafort's important role in conveying secret information to Russian intelligence that they could use in their hacking and social media targeting operations to boost Trump and hurt Hillary Clinton.

But what did "personally" approved mean? Did Putin just put it on the Kremlin's to-do list, after "pluck the random dark hairs out of my large Russian nipples" and "make me a sammich"? Was there a meeting?

If what appears to be a high-level leak of documents from the Kremlin is legit, it sounds like there was a meeting where Putin literally approved a "multi-agency plan" to skullfuck the 2016 election for Trump. Luke Harding and two of his colleagues published this morning in the Guardian, and Luke Harding is a good reporter. In other words, this isn't Ken Vogel thinking he smelled some funny uraniums in Ukraine and declaring without evidence that Hillary did it.

According to the report, on January 22, 2016, Putin met with Russia's national security council — you know, all his bigwigs — and ordered his intel agencies to do anything and everything they could to support "mentally unstable" Donald Trump in his mentally unstable pursuit of the White House. They wanted to throw America into "social turmoil." (Mission: accomplished.) They thought Trump was their "most promising candidate," for their own shitbag Kremlin purposes.


Russia's three spy agencies were ordered to find practical ways to support Trump, in a decree appearing to bear Putin's signature. [...]

A report prepared by Putin's expert department recommended Moscow use "all possible force" to ensure a Trump victory.

Western intelligence agencies are understood to have been aware of the documents for some months and to have carefully examined them. The papers, seen by the Guardian, seem to represent a serious and highly unusual leak from within the Kremlin.

Russia's ministry of truth asshole Dmitry Peskov says these are all lies, but he has about as much credibility as Kayleigh McEnany, so put a point in the "probably true" column. Also all of this just sounds like the Kremlin, how it operates, and it squares with everything else we know about the 2016 campaign and Trump's slobbering, needy kiss-assing of Putin. For God's sake, Trump begged Russia to help him on live TV. "Russia, if you're listening!" They were.

The documents reportedly call Trump an "impulsive, mentally unstable and unbalanced individual who suffers from an inferiority complex." Tell us what you really think, Kremlin! Surprised they didn't mention his weird disgusting penis. The docs say a Trump election would "lead to the destabilisation of the US's sociopolitical system." Nailed that one, too.

And they lay out the why of the benefits of a Trump victory, from Russia's perspective.

Moscow would gain most from a Republican victory, the paper states. This could lead to a "social explosion" that would in turn weaken the US president, it says. There were international benefits from a Trump win, it stresses. Putin would be able in clandestine fashion to dominate any US-Russia bilateral talks, to deconstruct the White House's negotiating position, and to pursue bold foreign policy initiatives on Russia's behalf, it says.

As always, we must ask what the FUCK happened in Helsinki? Can we get some documents on that from the Kremlin, since Trump was always stealing the interpreters' notes?

Oh also also also! The docs apparently have things in them about PEE TAPE! Allegedly!

There is also apparent confirmation that the Kremlin possesses kompromat, or potentially compromising material, on the future president, collected – the document says – from Trump's earlier "non-official visits to Russian Federation territory".

The paper refers to "certain events" that happened during Trump's trips to Moscow. Security council members are invited to find details in appendix five, at paragraph five, the document states. It is unclear what the appendix contains.

Wonkette would like to please see appendix five, paragraph five. You know, just for journalism purposes. If it's not a pee tape, people should know. If it's a poop tape ... OK if it's a poop tape, Russia can keep that to itself.

Here are some more details:

The paper does not name Hillary Clinton, Trump's 2016 rival. It does suggest employing media resources to undermine leading US political figures.

There are paragraphs on how Russia might insert "media viruses" into American public life, which could become self-sustaining and self-replicating. These would alter mass consciousness, especially in certain groups, it says.

After the meeting, according to a separate leaked document, Putin issued a decree setting up a new and secret interdepartmental commission. Its urgent task was to realise the goals set out in the "special part" of document No 32-04 \ vd.

And it sounds like that commission got to work fast. As Harding reminds us, the DNC hack came just weeks later.

As we said, it's possible that these docs aren't legit, though, as we said, Luke Harding is a good reporter. It could be more Russian disinfo, but all the experts contacted for the report apparently said this appears to be super legit, and very Kremlin, right down the delusions about Russia's and Putin's greatness and the paranoia.

For instance:

Sir Andrew Wood, the UK's former ambassador in Moscow and an associate fellow at the Chatham House thinktank, described the documents as "spell-binding". "They reflect the sort of discussion and recommendations you would expect. There is a complete misunderstanding of the US and China. They are written for a person [Putin] who can't believe he got anything wrong."

Wood added: "There is no sense Russia might have made a mistake by invading Ukraine. The report is fully in line with the sort of thing I would expect in 2016, and even more so now. There is a good deal of paranoia. They believe the US is responsible for everything. This view is deeply dug into the soul of Russia's leaders."

Also, Harding has receipts like an actual picture from the Kremlin's website confirming that a meeting took place that very day. Harding says those pictured are exactly the right people for such a meeting. He says the official readout of the meeting doesn't discuss what really allegedly happened there, but that's no different from the White House website during the Trump years, hashtag BIN LADEN SERVER.

Part of what's so shocking about this is how not shocking it is. It's exactly what we'd expect to see. And we are so desensitized to the "so that happened" nature of all of this by this point. Sure, it'll probably lead off the Maddow show tonight, but how much further will it reverberate?

It's also shocking that this leaked in the first place. We hope the leaker is protected, because while in America Donald Trump might have used his time as president to whine about executing whoever leaked his sniveling, shitting Bunker Baby stories to the world, Putin actually follows through on that.

Godspeed, and more document production, please.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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