Oh So Mike Pence Is Allowed To Be Alone With GAY GUYS He's Not Married To. Gotcha.
Last month during the very wonderful Winter Olympic Games, Vice President Michael "Bubbles" Pence, who calls his wife "Mother," and is not allowed to be alone with ladies what are not his wife, because he might just start UNCONTROLLABLY FUCKING THEM, made some news. He was so very muchly upset in his Christ-loving heart that openly gay figure skater Adam Rippon, who is very sexy, did not want to meet him in PyeongChang, because of how Mike Pence is a festering anti-gay bigot from hell who supports Pray Away The Gay therapy. Pence's office begged and pleaded with Rippon! Couldn't they have a beer summit? Couldn't Adam Rippon be convinced to reach around the aisle to Mike Pence? No?
OK what about a little late night dinner in the Olympic Village after Mother takes her night-night pills? No?
Seriously, Mike Pence was available any time Adam Rippon could squeeze him in! (LOL we said "squeeze him in," do you see how we said that?)
But no, it did not happen. They did not Netflix 'n' Chill, and they did not have a Very Important Discussion about how anti-gay bigot Mike Pence (and you know what they say about virulently anti-gay bigots) might believe Adam Rippon is going to burn in hell but also think he's just a motherfucking angel on the ice.
Well now Pence is getting shit because he had a private St. Patrick's Day brekkie-poo on Friday morning with Leo Varadkar, the taoiseach (prime minister) of Ireland, who is A GAY. And he's not bad looking! Look, here are a couple pictures of Varadkar with Justin Trudeau, because no reason:
As the Indy Star notes, when former Irish prime minister Enda Kenny came to America for St. Patty's last year, all his events with Trump and Pence were open to the public. But for some reason, this year, Pence's breakfast with Varadkar, held at the veep residence, was ALL BY MYSELF. Who made that choice? Mike Pence. Why? Dunno! Varadkar did not really prefer to be alone with that man:
According to the Irish Examiner, Varadkar said he would have preferred that his meeting with Pence would be open to the public, but added that a private session may allow for more "frank conversation."
Hope he read Pence for filth.
The Human Rights Campaign thinks it knows why Pence wanted some privacy:
Ohhhhhhhh, so the big mean gay Irishman wanted to talk to the stupid dipshit bigot vice president of the US and A about LGBTQ RIGHTS, in the year 2018, when equality is pretty much a given in MOST FIRST WORLD COUNTRIES? Mother would not approve.
So why did Mike Pence insist on this little
closeted closed breakfast with Leo Varadkar, Gay Prince Of Dublin? Well MAYBE it's because he didn't want mean journalists looking at him while he was trying to play gracious with the hellbound homosexual in his midst, who simply insisted on flaunting his godless lifestyle by asking him questions about all those times he supported Pray Away The Gay therapy and was just generally a vicious bigot toward LGBT people. (Pence ignored questions from the press when Varadkar arrived.) Or maybe he wanted to be alone with Varadkar for other reasons. We do not know, but we imagine it would be real embarrassing if news photographers had caught Vice President Republican Jesus springing morning wood with the taoiseach.
Or maybe it was just a subtle "SUCK IT ADAM RIPPON, THERE ARE OTHER FISHES IN THE SEA, DON'T TELL MOTHER OK?"
Could be, you don't know.
Anyway, have an open thread, BYE HATERS.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE. And if you love this article, tweet it and share it on the Facebooks!