Democratic Superstar Tom Vilsack nearly won the nomination, until he dropped out in ... what, 2006? No, it was February 2007 -- almost two years ago! And he endorsed Hillary. So she paid off his campaign debt, which wasn't really very much as his campaign consisted solely of old props from a local high-school musical version of 1984.

Anyway, his loyalty (?) and his Iowa-ness have won him the Midwestern Prize of Obamaland, secretary of agriculture! So never mind about this other weirdo, some cup fetishist. [Argus Leader]