Weirdos Think Gazing Upon Their God-Like Faces Worth Dying Of COVID-19

A face mask isn't the most stylish accessory, but wearing one in public isn't a huge burden if it means you can leave the house again. Still, some people are objecting to masks, which proves we haven't been in quarantine long enough.

Ohio state Rep. Nino Vitale, a Republican of course, announced that he won't follow guidelines from state Department of Health Director Dr. Amy Acton (the ones Gov. Mike DeWine folded on). He gave his reasons in a Facebook post this week, and they're a doozy.

VITALE: We're created in the image and likeness of God. When we think of “image," do we think of a chest or our legs or our arms. We think of their face.

Some philosophers have argued that the “image and likeness of God" refers to the human capacity for reason, but they also never met Nino Vitale.

VITALE: I don't want to cover people's faces ... That's the image of God, right there, and I want to see it in my brothers and sisters ... This is the greatest nation on earth founded on Judeo-Christian principles. One of those principles is that we are all created in the image and likeness of God. That image is seen the most by our face. I will not wear a mask.

If the “image and likeness of God" is a human face, then it's probably Kim Novak's, and I hope everyone close to her is wearing a mask right now. COVID-19 is serious, even if Vitale isn't. He's a big joke. Don't “Judeo-Christian principles" involve doing unto others as you'd have done unto you? Covering your face during a pandemic so other people can stay healthy seems like something Jesus would do if he were real.

VITALE: No one is stopping anybody from wearing a face mask. But quite frankly everyone else's freedom ends at the tip of my nose. You're not going to tell me what to do and there's a lot of people that feel that way.

FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME! Yeah, that's Christ-like. Also, how is it that every single time these people try to logic, it's upside down and backwards and also covered in polka dots? Doesn't Vitale see that his freedom to not wear masks ends because he's breathing on the tips other people's noses? No, and he will never, ever see it. They've got special logic force fields to protect their tender eyeballs (because goggles would be fascist).

VITALE: If someone is that scared, that they do not want to go out into the public because 100 percent of the people are not wearing masks, then that person should stay home, not tell everyone else what they should be doing.

The immunocompromised, the elderly, fucking health workers, fucking all workers, who will no longer be eligible for unemployment if they don't show up on command, and anyone else at risk from COVID-19 aren't a bunch of scaredy cats. It's not a shocker that Vitale is a big dumb hypocrite who sponsored legislation banning abortion completely with no exceptions for rape or a direct threat to the mother's life. The proposed legislation would've also made abortion a capital crime. Vitale is supposedly “pro-life" but he can't bother to wear a mask while running errands.

He's not the only one who's more selfish than Ayn Rand on pay day. Cheryl Chumley declared in a Washington Times op-ed that “forced face masking is a civil rights offense." She specifically objects to airlines requiring passengers to cover their faces on their giant traveling petri dishes.

Let the muzzling of America commence.

Let the — hopefully! — lawsuits against the mask nazis begin, as well.

Everyone's a Nazi to these people except the actual Nazis who show up at “reopen America" rallies.

Chumley sneered at JetBlue president Joanna Geraghty who told the Associated Press that “wearing a face covering isn't about protecting yourself. It's about protecting those around you. This is the new flying etiquette."

How nice of America's airlines — American, Delta and United, as well as JetBlue — to take it on themselves to become nanny to the people.

First place, what's Chumley's problem with nannies? Who doesn't love Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins or Julie Andrews in Sound of Music? The airlines aren't forcing passengers to floss after their lousy in-flight snacks. They're trying not to spread COVID-19 around the nation.

[Forced face masking] seems a blatant violation of an individual's right to choose — of an individual's right to self-govern.

Yes, Chumley also opposes abortion rights. Conservatives are just going to lean into the hypocrisy on this issue.

COVID-19 is a devastating disease with an escalating body count, and I assumed that masks would join condoms as something you responsibly wear before enjoying yourself.

Mates Condoms 80's

Republicans are now making absurd excuses for not “protecting" yourself, like the defendant in a 1990s "Law & Order" who intentionally exposed his partners to HIV. They aren't even promoting abstinence because they also want to hurry up and end the lockdowns. I'm afraid COVID-19 will become the new gun violence, where Republicans will oppose even the simplest, most obvious ways to prevent needless deaths — all in the name of “freedom" and “liberty." Your grandmother didn't die because you refused to wear a mask. It was the video games.

[Washington Times / Facebook]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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