Okay, WHO THE F*CK IS ALLEN WEISSELBERG? Maybe You Are Just Curious?

Remember yesterday when Evan spent eleventy million hours liveblogging the Michael Cohen hearings? Remember how every time Jim Jordan stopped flinging his own shit and let a real Congress person ask a question, the answer was ASK ALLEN WEISSELBERG, HE'LL KNOW THE ANSWER? Because he's the Trump Organization's CFO, and has been doing Donald Trump's books since 1970. So Allen Weisselberg knows where alllll the bodies are buried. As Adam Davidson wrote in The New Yorker:

Weisselberg has worked exclusively for the Trump family for his entire adult life. Shortly after graduating from college, he began working for Fred Trump, in 1970, and then for the young Donald when he entered the business. Weisselberg's son Barry works at the Trump-run Wollman Skating Rink, in Central Park; his other son, Jack, works at Ladder Capital, which has been a primary lender to the Trump Organization in recent years, when few other lenders would work with a company that had experienced several bankruptcies.

Want to know about the plan to launder the Stormy Daniels payment through the Trump Organization? That is, after they'd discussed routing the payment through a padded invoice for one of the clubs or getting a club member to pay Daniels or Cohen directly, to keep it off the books. (OMG, WTF kind of company is this?!?!?) Ask Executive 1, aka Allen Weisselberg, since he and Executive 2, aka Don Jr., were the ones who signed 10 of the checks to pay Michael Cohen off after the fronted the cash.

Want to know whether Trump's really under audit, or just hiding his tax returns so no one will see that he's a total scammer and maybe also (egads!) POOR? Ask Allen Weisselberg.

Want to know if Trump submitted false financial statements to Deutsche Bank when he was seeking financing to buy the Buffalo Bills? Ask Allen Weisselberg, who likely prepared them or gave the outside accountant the massaged underlying data.

Want to know about that insurance scam on Trump's Brooklyn golf course Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was asking about yesterday? Ask Allen Weisselberg.

Want to know about all the fuckery going on at the Trump Foundation where they used charitable money to settle legal disputes and buy paintings of Your Favorite President Me to hang at his garbage palaces? Ask Allen Weisselberg. Remember when we told you about Corey Lewandowski negotiating to get those giant prop checks out to Iowa so Trump could get up at rallies and pretend to be giving his own money to veterans' groups? Guess who signed all the real checks!

While you're at it, ask Allen Weisselberg why anyone in their right mind would want a hideous nine-foot picture of that orange goon.


According to Corey Lewandowski's book, Allen Weisselberg, who is still the Trump Org.'s CFO, knows about "every dime that leaves the building" in Trumpland. Which is probably about right, since Trumpland's not that big. Sure, it controls a bunch of separate sub-entities between the condo management contracts and the golf clubs. But there aren't that many people actually running the business on the 26th floor of Trump Tower in Manhattan -- which was why it was laughable for Trump to say that he barely knew Felix Sater, when the guy had an office down the hall from him on the 26th floor.

So Allen Weisselberg could tell investigators quite a lot about Donald Trump's business. In fact, he already has! There are conflicting media reports as to whether Weisselberg has flipped, but we tend to think Adam Davidson is right that the accountant has received a limited grant of immunity to discuss the AMI catch 'n' kill arrangement during the campaign to buy up Donald Trump's embarrassing stories. But implicating the Trump Organization in a plot to launder illegal campaign contribution might well open up the business's books to a deeper inquiry by SDNY, the New York Attorney General's office, the Manahattan District Attorney's Office, the Brooklyn District Attorney, and/or the Special Counsel's office.

And don't forget Congress, which has made it clear is going to be bringing Mr. Weisselberg in for a nice long chat, as long as the SDNY prosecutors don't mind.

Cool, maybe he and DJ can carpool! And we know Li'l Deej likes to assert attorney-client privilege every time there's a lawyer in his zip code, so let's just remind him that, unless he and Mr. Weisselberg want to plead the Fifth, they have to answer Elijah Cummings's questions.

Ah, 2019, you MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! Bring it!

[New Yorker / WSJ / NBC]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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