Oklahoma Rep With Rambo Delusion Gonna Beat Taliban To Death With Illegal Piles Of Cash

Oklahoma Rep With Rambo Delusion Gonna Beat Taliban To Death With Illegal Piles Of Cash
Rep. Markwayne Mullin Instagram

Today's episode of "Dear God, Republicans Are Fucking Crazy" has got a little bit of everything. Pallets of cash, secret helicopter rides, the Taliban, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy pretending he's never heard of a longtime member of his own caucus — you name it. Because Marjorie Taylor Greene may flap her yap threatening to do crazy, illegal shit, but Oklahoma Congressman Markwayne Mullin actually does it.

Why, yes, there is a rep from Oklahoma named Markwayne Mullin. And, yes, he is a former MMA fighter who thinks masks are a "political" statement and metal detectors on the House floor are unconstitutional. And, yes, he did try to fly into Tajikistan with a helicopter full of cash in a harebrained plot to rescue an American family trapped in Afghanistan. Because why ever not, right?

The Washington Post reports that Mullin contacted the American embassy in Tajikistan Monday demanding that they help him evade the country's customs laws and allow him to fly into Dushanbe with a large quantity of greenbacks. From there, he planned to hire a helicopter, and jet into Afghanistan to ransom his targets out of the country and become a hero. Let's just do it and be legends, shouted a dipshit plumbing contractor laboring under the delusion that he's Jason Bourne. Allegedly!

It was bad enough last week when Reps. Seth Moulton (D) and Peter Meijer (R) flew into Afghanistan to exercise "oversight" of the evacuation — they're both veterans, Moulton is on the House Armed Services Committee, and there were still American troops on the ground when they were there. Nevertheless, the pair were roundly criticized for engaging in a ridiculous stunt which wasted government resources at a time when they were sorely needed for the ongoing evacuation.

"I don't think it's smart for others to go," Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy said last week. "You're putting yourself — not just yourself, but you're putting Americans — in harm's way, if the military has to protect you, which they will do."

And in case that wasn't clear, the State Department has issued a dire warning to Americans to keep out of the country "due to civil unrest, armed conflict, crime, terrorism, kidnapping, and COVID-19."

But this meathead with a Rambo complex was not persuaded. Last week Mullin flew to Greece, from whence he demanded the Defense Department greenlight a fun field trip to Kabul. When the DOD refused to sign his permission slip, he went back to the drawing board and decided to go in via Tajikistan. But when US Ambassador John Mark Pommersheim refused to help him break Tajik law, Mullin lost his shit and demanded to know the names of staffers refusing his batshit request.

Just look at this absolute douche goober on Instagram.

Has there ever been anything more preposterous than a powerful politician hashtagging himself as just an ordinary person doing extraordinary things? As if Joe Sixpack can just hop a flight to Greece during a global pandemic and then get on the horn with the Defense Department, NBD. Just an ordinary guy, jetting into Tajikistan, aiming to enlist a federal official in a conspiracy to violate a third country's laws, and not getting arrested for it, whatevs.

But the most deeply offensive part is the one McCarthy himself said out loud: If shit went sideways when Mullin was cosplaying as Jack Ryan, the military was not going to let a congressman get killed by the Taliban or ISIS. He could take this risk because he had the implicit backing of the government, which would expend whatever blood and treasure it took to get his dumb ass out of there. Which is perhaps why McCarthy "walked away without comment after being asked whether he had spoken to Mullin or if he knew where the Oklahoman was" yesterday. Better to pretend ignorance than be cornered into admitting that this dipshit is a member in good standing of the Red Team.

So, no, Markwayne Mullin is not #Ordinarypeopledoingextraordinarythings. He's a braying jackass who doesn't seem to have extricated anyone at all from Afghanistan.

Unlike President Biden, who got 123,000 people out in less than two weeks.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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