Old Handsome Joe Biden Might Be Hillary's Secretary Of State, Which Would Be A Big F*ckin' Deal!
Hooray, Politico is winning the morning this delicious Friday, with a report that Hillary Clinton, IF she is elected Madame Preznit Of America, MIGHT MAYBE be interested in tapping your vice president, Old Handsome Joe Biden, to be her secretary of State, according to SOURCES SAY! Wouldn't that be amazing, ALLEGEDLY?
According to Politico, "neither Clinton, nor her aides have yet told Biden" that they want him for the job, but we guess Politico just spoiled the surprise like a big party pooper. BREAKING NEWS, Joe Biden: You might get a secret email on your Obamaphone very soon that asks if you think secretary of stat-ing would be hot or not.
We love Joe Biden, as has been well documented in the august pages of Wonkette. Now, he does have a tendency to pop off every now and then, but we LIKE it when he does that, and we'd bet all the foreign countries would like it too, except for the lame countries with no sense of humor.
Politico notes Biden's unique experience for the job:
The vice president, who chaired the Senate Foreign Relations Committee before joining the administration, is one of the most experienced and respected Democrats on the world stage. He’s also coming to what would be the close of a 44-year career in Washington, first with six terms in the Senate and then two terms as President Barack Obama’s closest adviser — and the keeper of the portfolio on some of the most difficult international issues, including Iraq and Ukraine.
Those will carry over to the next administration ...
No shit, Politico? New presidents don't get a total reset on international issues? Anyway, going on:
... as will a concern within Clinton’s circle and throughout the current White House that Donald Trump’s campaign has created lasting damage to America’s relationships around the world.
As Politico notes, Biden has already had to travel some this year to apologize and reassure our allies that America will indeed live up to her commitments, regardless of what Trump says. In Latvia in August, he said Trump's threats to destroy NATO shouldn't be "taken seriously" and that America is sorry the scary orange fuckwit is scaring you in the face of a cantankerous and risible Russia.
The last couple weeks, Joe's been telling everybody how much he wants to beat the shit out of Donald Trump, and while schoolyard punchy-face talk is not the best look we've ever had in an election season, we'd like to suggest that the world is watching, and probably wants to punch Donald Trump in the face too.
Also in the "pro" column for Biden at Foggy Bottom would be that The Onion would be able to continue its amazing long-running series on Biden, and also too, Wonkette could keep posting this picture all the time, whenever we want:
And this one:
And we could keep making you these badass coffee cups, so you can keep drinking actual cups of Joe! Available at all fine Wonkette Bazaars!
OK, so let's review: Hillz will be president of America. Joe Biden will be at State. Barry Bamz and Michelle are staying in Washington for the alleged purpose of "letting Sasha finish high school," which is a pffffffffft excuse if we ever heard one. You know what this means, don't you? SHADOW GOVERNMENT! OMG SO 'SCITING!
Make him do it, Hillz, you are the queen of the universe and he has to do what you say!