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hippie - WonketteSome little hipster clarinet player from NYU is claiming the Iraq invasion and occupation was all about securing oil supplies for America. Oh and what is that sticking out of Jazzbo Al's tattered raincoat? A worn paperback of Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged," which he actually first read when she was writing it, when he was screwing some gal in Rand's "inner circle" and writing angry letters to the New York Times about how "parasites who persistently avoid either purpose or reason perish as they should." That's right, we're talking about former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan!


Greenspan is the beloved Fed chairman who presided over the 1987 stock market crash, the early 1990s' recession, the Internet stock bubble and its bloody explosion, and the current housing bubble collapse that will ultimately lead to a Global Depression and the end of modern civilization, which ultimately won't be missed. But under his Objectivist Stewardship of the American Economy over two decades, the richest 5% of the United States became richer while the entire rest of the country slipped deeper into debt-soaked serfdom and the wealthiest one-tenth of one percent all became Multi Billionaires and created a secret parallel America of private-jet airports, pleasure submarines and massive walled fortresses protecting private ski resorts, champion golf courses and miles of "public" coastline.

Well done, Maestro!

(Oh and did you know he wrote/edited Rand's The Objectivist newsletter and was always going on about the Gold Standard? Motherfucker was like the pre-Internet Ron Paul! Until he sold out to the Federal Reserve and the New World Order and Fiat Currency ....)

Anyway, Al's new book says all the democracy/weapons bullshit was just bullshit so we could go seize the Iraqi oil fields and make sure Saddam didn't suddenly start a Powerful Navy and somehow take control of the Gulf and make oil cost $120 a barrel, which is a whole $40 more than it costs, er, today, which itself is quadruple the cost per barrel in, uh, 2003, when they invaded Iraq to control the oil supply.

Also, Greenspan says Bush is an idiot and Cheney won't listen to him and some Administration Official said back before the war that of course it was about oil, but "unfortunately, we can't talk about oil."

Alan Greenspan claims Iraq war was really for oil [Times of London]

Greenspan: Ouster Of Hussein Crucial For Oil Security [Bob Woodward]

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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