Old President Lazy Ass Ready To Destroy America On Day Four
Know how Donald Trump has said one million times that on DAY ONE, in the FIRST HOURS of his presidency, he's going to pull a shiny new pen out of his Crayola Pens For Kids box (made for even the littlest hands!) and delete the Obama presidency with a bunch of executive orders or whatever? He even said he was going to deport ALL the illegals in that first hour! Turns out he's going to be too busy dry-drunking his way through his inauguration festivities, grabbing life by the pussy and asking it to pee on him (ALLEGEDLY), to start working Friday. He will wait until Monday morning! First he will get up and tweet something stupid at Ariana Grande or whomever, then he'll watch the morning news shows, then he will watch "The View," and sometime, maybe during Rachael Ray, he will finally Do Some Work.
Tell us, Times Of London:
One of the first orders I’m gonna sign – day one – which I will consider to be Monday as opposed to Friday or Saturday. Right? I mean my day one is gonna be Monday because I don’t want to be signing and get it mixed up with lots of celebration, but one of the first orders we’re gonna be signing is gonna be strong borders.
Presidents get Friday off, right? And Saturdays? And Sundays?
Now, The New Civil Rights Movement points out that it's been said Trump will have approximately four White Houses -- you know, the over-rated, non-gold-plated one in DC, followed by Trump Tower, Mar-A-Lago and Bedminster in New Jersey -- and that he may be under the impression that presidenting is a Monday through Friday job, at which point he'll get to fly to one of his other properties for the weekend. But according to the Times Of London interview, he won't be vacationing all the time like President Golfing In Mom Jeans, because here is why:
Ya know this is a very, very big change — I led a very nice life and ya know successful and good and nice and this is a lot different — but ya know my attitude on that is when you’re president, you’re in the White House which is a very special place — you’re there for a limited period of time — who wants to leave?
OH GOD HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF, HE ACKNOWLEDGED HE'LL ONLY BE THERE A "LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME."
[B]ut who wants to leave the White House to go to some other place and be away on a vacation? The White House is very special, there’s so much work to be done, I’m not gonna be leaving much — I mean a lot of work to be done — I’m gonna be in there working, doing what I’m supposed to be doing — but who wants to leave the White House?
So he'll be there all the time, lots of work to do, they've told him he's supposed to do a lot of work, except for when he goes to Mar-A-Lago to get his balls waxed or whatever, like every weekend.
The interviewer asked him about Camp David, and surprise, he is not very 'scited about that trash heap out in the wilderness:
Yea, Camp David is very rustic, it’s nice, you’d like it. You know how long you’d like it? For about 30 minutes ...
He is ... ahem. Gauche? Classless? Least "big league" ever?
All should take the time to read the Times Of London interview in its entirety, because it's full of goodies. Dok already told you about Trump's truly insane quote about his "heroes," which is probably what we should expect from a "leader" with a 100-word vocabulary who's trying to answer that question without saying "Putin."
The interview also has a lot about Trump's Russia-directed foreign policy, how he has "numerous" iPhones for his Twittering, and also his answer to a question about whether his daughter Ivanka will be working in the White House:
Well, not now, she’s going to Washington, and they’re buying a house or something, but ya know she’s got the children, so Jared will be involved as we announced — no salary, no nothing. If he made peace — who’d be better at that then Jared, right — there’s something about him ...
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/610082/heres-where-ivanka-n-jared-will-gay-bang-each-other-when-they-move-to-washington"></a>[/wonkbar]They bought a house OR SOMETHING, he hasn't heard, it's not like he speaks to these people, even though Hot Evil Jared Kushner will be working in the White House. Trump says, again, that Jared is going to be the one to solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, on account of he's "such a good kid" and "everyone likes him" and "there's something about him" and "who'd be better at that than Jared, right?" OH GOD, TRUMP WANTS TO BANG HIS DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND LIKE SO BAD, ALLEGEDLY. (It's OK, Donald, we do too, but at least we feel shame about it.)
The interview ends with Trump telling the interviewer he'd love to have a copy of the book the dude wrote on how to fight terrorism, because "that's fantastic" and "I can use that," and OH GOD WE ARE SO FUCKED.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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