OMAROSA OHMYFUCK! Your Daily Omarosa Roundup, We Guess
Donald Trump just gave one of his awkward trademark press availabilities where he perches his beef body on the White House lawn (awkwardly) and yells the words on his Twitter feed at reporters. Anybody interested in a post about that, or should we just do an Omarosa update? SPOILER, you saw the headline, let's talk about the reality star nemesis who is currently unfairly making our dear Christlike president walk his own personal Via Omarosa on the way to what may end up being certain DOOM. (On our way to hell now, for making that pun. See you there.)
There's a bunch of crap to cram into this post, so let's just do it round-up style:
There's a new tape, because you bet your ass there is!
You don't need to listen to the tape. All you need to know is that Omarosa Manigault Newman released four clips from separate conversations with Lara Trump, wife of Eric, where she offers Omarosa $15,000 per month (approximately the same as her previous White House salary) from the Trump campaign, to either do things, or not do things ... you know, whatever Omarosa is in the mood to do or not do. It's less of a "job" and more "STFU money." Omarosa, of course, did not take that Art Of The Deal, and similar "jobs" entered into by other former White House employees, like Trump's former bodyguard Keith Schiller, are also likely bullshit, as Wonkette explained here.
NBC News provides key quotes, like this one, which makes clear this is a nondisclosure agreement by another name:
On the new tape, Lara Trump says: "It sounds a little like, obviously, that there are some things you've got in the back pocket to pull out. Clearly, if you come on board the campaign, like, we can't have, we got to," she continues, before Manigault Newman interjects, "Oh, God no."
Here is the part where Lara Trump explains that this is SRS BSNS, because after all, they will be paying Omarosa off using small donations from Trump idiots in the heartland:
In another excerpt of the recording, Lara Trump, who is married to Donald Trump's son Eric, is heard explaining to Manigault Newman that "the only thing that we have to consider, where we're talking salary as far as the campaign is concerned, is that, as you know, everything is public."
"And that all the money that we raise and that pays salaries is directly from donors, small-dollar donors for the most part."
Totally normal, everything on the up and up!
Oh dear. Ann Ravel from the Federal Election Commission has just said payment to Omarosa by Trump campaign may be a… https://t.co/4ao9HzeNQF— Emma Kennedy💙 (@Emma Kennedy💙) 1534440427.0
Trump idiots be like DURRRRRRRRRRR!
What is killing us (KIILLING US) about this is the response to this tape from Trump Incorporated, as John Brennan called it in his op-ed yesterday. Is it bad that the Trump campaign is using small money donors to pay people not to spill their guts about the pee hookers and the Russians and whatever else there might be? No, that is a good thing, according to Trump data dork Brad Parscale, who will be running Trump's 2020 campaign, assuming there is a 2020 campaign:
Latest tape from Omarosa shows how much Trump family cares about pocketbooks of our donors when @LaraLeaTrump warns… https://t.co/yFv94K08a5— Brad Parscale (@Brad Parscale) 1534444570.0
Lara Trump was just warning Omarosa to take this gift of $15,000 per month very seriously, considering how it's made up of $5 per month donations from Grandma Cletus and Uncle Papaw in Trump Country, who otherwise would be spending that money to fund their grandchildren's meth habits.
GOP be like DURRRRRRRRRRRRR!
The GOP released its own "wire tapp" of Omarosa saying very nice things about Donald Trump around the same time she leaked her latest tape, because that is A) totally a normal thing for a major political party to be doing with its resources right now and B) A SICK BURN.
Please don't watch it, it's far too powerful watching the GOP do gotchas to Omarosa like this:
Guess she forgot about these tapes… https://t.co/fkG5zPHRfG— GOP (@GOP) 1534439911.0
Donald Trump be like DURRRRRRRRRRRR.
Donald Trump is impressed with the GOP's clever gotcha, and he knows a clever gotcha when he sees one, oh boy!
HOW. ARE. THEY. ALL. SO. BAD. AT. THIS?
Lara Trump is very sad right now, because of the betrayal. Yes, a person named 'Trump' is sad right now, again, because of the betrayal.
Weep with Lara Trump, all ye nations:
In a statement, Ms. Trump said that she had shared a bond with Ms. Manigault Newman during the 2016 campaign "as a friend and a campaign sister, and I am absolutely shocked and saddened by her betrayal and violation on a deeply personal level."
"I hope it's all worth it for you, Omarosa, because some things you just can't put a price on," she continued.
Sounds like you did put a price on it, Ms. Trump! It was 15 grand a month!
There are SO MANY MORE TAPES, because you bet your ass there are!
People think there might be 200 of 'em! Doing our back of the napkin math, we are 89 days from the midterms, which means Omarosa can release a new one every day and still have a bunch more to spare after November! Trump assholes got WikiLeaks, let's see how they like OMA-LEAKS! If Trump is bitching and moaning to White House staff about how he wants Jeff Sessions to arrest Omarosa (for reasons that are entirely unclear, which makes this similar to every single other thing the president wants) right now, imagine how he'll feel once she's released liked 30 of these fuckers!
Oh yeah, and there are still all those Michael Cohen tapes out there!
Rejoice to the lord always, and again I say rejoice, because Donald Trump is having a really shitty week. Blessed be!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!
Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! Seriously, if you can, please hit the tip jar below and make a donation of MONEY. Or click this link to become a monthly subscriber!