We're OK with four to eight years of Maya Rudolph doing this.

The moment Joe Biden announced Kamala Harris as his vice presidential pick, the reactions started coming in. Lots of congratulations from folks like Barack Obama ("Joe Biden nailed this decision. [...] She's spent her career defending our Constitution and fighting for folks who need a fair shake"), Elizabeth Warren ("I'm SO looking forward to seeing Kamala take on Mike Pence on the debate stage. Go Kamala!"), and House Majority Whip James Clyburn ("I am ecstatic. [...] I've been saying what a plus it would be to have an African-American woman on the ticket. I just think we are breaking ground here.")

Also, Luke Skywalker said this is the Veep we're looking for:

Our favorite reaction was probably from her younger sister:

OK, now that we've gotten the nice people's reactions out of the way, let's take a look at the jerks and laugh at how they can't figure out how to attack the lady they've known for months was in the top tier of likely running mates.


Let's start with "The Gateway Pundit" and be done with it, ick, phooey. The site, run by Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft, has run 16 or so stories about Harris since yesterday, with thrilling headlines such as "Like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama, Kamala Harris Failed Bar Exam on First Try" and "The Gloves Are Off: President Trump Rips Kamala Harris During Presser (VIDEO)." We also learn that MSNBC "Doctored" a photo of Joe Biden talking to Harris on Zoom to crop out his "cheat sheet," and what's more, the senile old fool was "holding his phone upside down." Oh noes, America is doomed. (Hoft literally turned a tweet into an entire post).

Man, Trump's sure to win this in a walk. Now there's a man who knows how to use phone.

Because we love you, we will not share any of the comments at Hoft's Palace Of Racism and Stupid.

But we do need to let you know that the Federalist knows exactly how to take down Kamala Harris: by selling T-shirts attacking her as too pro-police.

That would be the same Federalist that has recently run stories like "Why Trump's Actions In Portland Are Not At All Like China's Abuse Of Hong Kong," "Biden VP Pick Kamala Harris Compared Border Security To The KKK," and "Why Bombing Hiroshima Was The Moral Thing To Do," which we'll admit is not about policing, but seems to fit the site's general vibe.

Oh, and we'll have to save this one for later: "It Shouldn't Need To Be Said That The Muppets Shouldn't Celebrate Cross-Dressing." Not really about Kamala Harris, but vital news all the same.

Donald Trump, of course, knows exactly what he doesn't like about Harris. She's "nasty," you see. Just like Hillary Clinton and a lot of Black lady journalists. That's fine — we know what sort of person Trump wishes all the best.

Trump and the rest of the idiots seem determined to paint Biden and Harris as raving leftists, which of course they'd say if Biden had selected Mr. Rogers as Veep ("Suburban women will vote for me because I got rid of the low-income housing in the Land of Make Believe!"). That should work just fine for Trump's base, since they already believe America is overrun with actual commies. But some on the Right are still figuring out how to attack Harris, as Boston Magazine journo David S. Bernstein discovered: Senator Josh Hawley (R-Missouri) says Harris is a tool of Wall Street Elites, as you'd expect from a simple heartland fellow (Stanford '02, Harvard Law '06).

Or maybe instead of a lackey for the running dog capitalists, Harris is actually a walking, talking, antifa radical, according to RNC chair Ronna McDaniel, quoting ordinary working fella David Bossie, the president of Citizens United:

Ol' goat-fucker Erick Erickson wanted to share his secret thoughts on the 2020 election: Maybe he could have been persuaded to support Joe Biden, but Biden's choice of VP finally drove him back to voting for Trump. Because right up until yesterday he'd totally been considering a vote for the nominee of the party that supports legal abortion, you bet.

Also, speaking of abortion and Catholicism, let's not forget the very funny joke made by Bishop Thomas Tobin of the diocese of Providence, Rhode Island:

Do you get it? Joe Biden says he's Catholic but clearly he can't be, because he is pro-choice, and Jesus has already excommunicated him even if the Church hasn't gotten around to it yet. As Yr Editrix put it: "Your Excellency, some asshole's been signing your name to stupid tweets."

Finally, while Stephen is working on a longer look at this stupidity (look for his post next!), a number of rightwingers have decided they've found a real gotcha against Kamala Harris: Her dad is from Jamaica and her mom is from India, so she's not even really Black! We always take the word of white rightwingers when it comes to these matters. A selection:


We have to say, "Americans whose ancestors came from Jamaica aren't African-Americans" is some powerful stupid. Where do they think enslaved people in Jamaica came from, the Moon?

Oh look, here are Lynnette Hardaway and Rochelle Richardson, the performers who call themselves "Diamond and Silk" on Fox News, saying the same stupid shit on a radio show, but they apparently don't even know the Jamaica thing.

Silk: But see you have got to understand something about Kamala Harris. Kamala is not even Black. So you know when she talks about racism, that's why she don't care about it. She's not even Black.

Radio host person: What do you mean when you say that, what does that mean?

Diamond: She has no focus. She claiming now she is Black. Somebody claimed that she was Asian American and then they are saying she's Indian. I don't know what she is.

You get the most authoritative takes from those two!

What's more, top history distorter Dinesh D'Souza revealed that Harris's father says he's the descendant of a prominent Jamaican planter who enslaved people, and doesn't that mean Harris needs to pay reparations? Haw haw haw!

Since enslavers raped the women they held in bondage, that makes virtually all African Americans the descendants of slavers, so they have no one to blame for America's original sin but themselves. Also something something Democrats founded the KKK.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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