Y'all. Y'ALL.

Granted, there might be some sliver of Trump's shrinking base that will get their first hard-on in years over screaming "LOCK HER UP!" about their favorite FOOOOOOBAAAWWWWW players, but let's just say even your moron Fox News-watching uncle might draw a line in the sand if the president tries to take away LITERALLY THE ONLY THING HE ACTUALLY HAS TO LIVE FOR, which is NFL football.

The first reply to Acosta's tweet sums up the stupidity of Trump's latest super bowl of distraction and deflection:

Trump's going to win this football fight so much, he's going to get sick of winning!

In that spirit, here are a few developments in Trump's yooge brilliant best war against the very large men whose hands are big enough to hold on to the pigskin:

Monday morning, we noted that Trump had been tweetering about how at least NASCAR people (white hicks who go on dates with their sisters but never get to second base, SADFACE) were being nice to the American flag and the national anthem, because they know how to show the proper respect to King Pussy-Grabber of the Pussy-Grabbing Pussies. In response, extremely famous NASCAR star Dale Earnhardt Jr. took a speedy left turn directly into the president's nutsack:

Oof. That's gonna leave a skid mark, ON DONALD TRUMP'S BALLS.

Speaking of balls, Trump's boy Tom Brady has now personally spoken out against Trump's behavior. Before, he was just locking arms and keeping mostly quiet, but this, while still kind of milquetoast, is still a rebuke:

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is at odds with President Donald Trump on the issue of player protests of the national anthem, calling Trump's comments "just divisive."

Brady tells Boston's WEEI-FM that he "certainly" disagrees with Trump's comment that NFL owners should fire any player who refuses to stand for the anthem.

Like we said, milquetoast. But Brady's obviously feeling enough pressure to say something, and it's not coming from Trump-loving dildo sporks.

One more thing, and it is, as always, about Trump being a fucking know-nothing idiot. After Trump was done Hooked On Phonics-ing his way through his early morning Twitter rage shits on Monday, he retweeted this thing about Pat Tillman, the former Arizona Cardinals football player who was killed in Afghanistan in 2004:

To @jayMAGA45 (one of Trump's Twitter followers who doesn't seem to be a Russian bot, strangely enough) and @realDonaldTrump, we must award ONE MILLION Jane, You Ignorant Sluts. Pat Tillman was killed by FRIENDLY FIRE (which is not actually "friendly") and, as New York Magazine reminds us, by the time he was killed, Tillman was really not the biggest fan of Bush's little adventure in Iraq. Indeed, he referred to the Iraq war as "so fucking illegal." (This was back when Trump supported the Iraq war, even though he lies about that now.)

Benjamin Hart writes:

In the end, Tillman’s story became less about unthinking, reflexive jingoism and more about the uncomfortable truth often lurking behind bumper-sticker slogans. In other words, Tillman is actually a perfect poster boy for our era — for exactly the opposite reason President Trump thinks.

Even better, Think Progress flags a Facebook post from Marie Tillman, Pat's widow, back when Trump came out with his first soon-to-fail Muslim ban:

We'd say Trump should read a book before he tries to use Pat Tillman for his shithead propaganda again, but LOLOL we're just not sure "reading a book" is in Trump's skill set.


UPDATE: OK, this happened just as we were publishing this post, but we felt we HAD to add it. LeBron James, who most recently hilariously called Trump "U BUM," spoke out again, and delivered the following AMAZING QUOTE:

"The people run this country, not one individual. AND DAMN SURE NOT HIM."

Now he's just sweet-talking us. Yes, LeBron James, you MAY come write guest posts at Wonkette, any time you want!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries, servers, and all of the things are fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click here to fund us!

[Bloomberg / New York Magazine]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC

OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,


Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

Donate with CC

The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC




©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc