On A Scale Of One To Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Wonkagenda For Wed., March 28, 2018
Morning Wonketariat! If you're in Indianapolis, that means you're meeting us TONIGHT, 6-8 p.m., at Ralston’s Drafthouse, 635 Massachusetts Ave., Indianapolis. (St. Louis, you're on deck for tomorrow!) Now here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Robert Mueller's American avengers have asked a federal judge not to rule out jail time for Alex van der Zwaan due to his Russian intel ties. Van der Zwaan, you may remember, was one of the guys working with Paul Manafort and Rick Gates on Ukrainian fuckery in 2012, and pleaded guilty to lying to prosecutors and the FBI earlier this year.
Christopher Steele wrote a report confirming allegations that the founder of RT, Mikhail Lesin, was bludgeoned to death just before he was going to talk to the Justice Department, contradicting official US reports that he died after bumping his head during a drunken bender.
A dozen states are suing the Trump administration over its plans to include citizenship questions on the 2020 census. This prompted Sarah Huckabee Sanders to poot some ridiculous lie during the White House press briefing yesterday.
The brother of slain DNC staffer Seth Rich filed a 62-page lawsuit against a number of conspiracy cranks and a DC garbage rag for right-wing weenies, alleging they acted with a reckless disregard for the truth in peddling their bullshit.
The "alt-right" is cutting itself into pieces after "crying Nazi" Chris Cantwell revealed he's been snitching to the feds, and the drama is delicious.
Republicans want to make the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) permanent so that they can paint Democrats as paycheck stealing socialists during the midterms. Asked by reporters, Illinois Senate Democrat Dick Durbin stated, "It’s the tax pony, and that’s the only horse they have to ride."
The Trump administration struck a trade deal with South Korea that will see South Korea limit steel exports and increase imports of US cars in order to avoid Trump's tariffs, but policy nerds are warning that Trump fucked US in future negotiations with more powerful countries.
All 22 women in the Senate are fucking pissed that there has not been a sexual harassment vote, and they're telling Mitch McConnell and Chuck Schumer to get off their asses.
Ryan Zinke has been in cahoots with Florida Governor Rick Scott in an effort to frame Scott as an environmentalist, not a grifty fuckstick, ahead of his inevitable Senate run.
Republicans are trying to extinguish a raging dumpster fire in an Arizona congressional race by dumping hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash and ad buys for Debbie Lesko.
The bro-caucus has been living high on the hog as FEC reports from Rep. Duncan Hunter show he spent $138,666 at fancy bars and cigar lounges known for their their elbow-rubbing clientele.
Do you remember the hurricanes in Puerto Rico and Texas? Take a wild guess who got the Trump treatment in their rebuilding efforts. Winner gets a paper towel roll!
A number of red states are racing to rip up Roe V. Wade, but they're torn between flushing the whole thing down the drain, and picking it apart piece by piece.
A judge has ruled that Wisconsin Republican Gov. Scott Walker has until Thursday at noon to call for special elections to fill vacant seats in the state legislature. Walker has called an emergency legislative session in order to circumvent the existing law on special elections.
Democratic dumbass Martin O'Malley's admission that he set out to gerrymander the Old Line State in favor of downballot Democratic candidates might actually shove courts to rule in favor of nonpartisan redistricting cases.
The cops accused of killing Alton Sterling won't be charged. What a surprise.
Protesters demanding action in the death of Stephon Clark took to the streets of Sacramento again last night. Clark was unarmed and in his grandmother's backyard when he was shot 20 times by police; last night Clark's brother gave an impassioned plea in front of the Sacramento City Council.
The Russian ambassador to Australia gave that craziest press conference where he SWORE there are no spies in Australia, journalists are all liars, and the US is aiming cancer lasers (or something) at the Russian embassy in DC, all in an effort to reignite the Cold War.
The Russian state-owned press has been working overtime to convince the Russian people that the US and other Western powers are not-so-secretly starting Cold War 2: Vodka Boogaloo.
Kim Jong Un took a secret trip to China to meet with Chinese President Xi Jinping; he promised that he'll scrap his nuke program, but Trump is already taking credit this morning. Also noteworthy, Chinese social media app Weibo blocked the terms “Kim Jong Un,” “North Korea” and “Fatty the third,” the latter being a common Chinese nickname for North Korea's dictator.
Chris Wylie testified before the House of Commons yesterday and revealed, among other things, Cambridge Analytica parent company SCL "cheated" to swing the Brexit vote. Wylie added, "Data is the electricity or our new economy, and electricity can be quite dangerous. We enjoy the benefits of electricity, despite the fact that it can literally kill you."
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg may have blown off Parliament's request to answer questions about Facebook's data hoarding and fuckery, but he is working with congress, likely in order to avoid a subpoena.
Silicon Valley super creep Peter Thiel had an employee of his company, Palantir, work with Cambridge Analytica just before it started mining data from Facebook. What a coincidence!
Facebook is being sued for unfair housing discrimination by allowing real estate companies to microtarget ads based on personal information scraped from your interactions with Facebook.
In an effort to calm the fiery pants of legislators and regulators around the world, Facebook created a centralized place for people to see all the shit they send the social media giant. This bullshit maneuver doesn't change how Facebook handles your photos or data, but it looks nice.
And here's your morning Nice Time! Cheetah cubs!