One Million Moms Going On About Stinky Hussy Vagina Deodorant

Religion
One Million Moms Going On About Stinky Hussy Vagina Deodorant

In these heady times of wars and rumors of wars, many people might find themselves looking for solid rocks to hold onto, things that reassure them that everything's going to be OK.

Perhaps it helps you to know that, even with everything else going on, in Tupelo, Mississippi, this asshole named Monica Cole IS STILL sending out emails and signing them "One Million Moms" every time something on television reminds her of a nipple.

Maybe that knowledge comforts you.

WHAT DID MONICA COLE SEE ON THE TELEVISION?

Commercial for vagina deodorant.


www.youtube.com


WHY IS THIS OBJECTIONABLE?

Acknowledges existence of vaginas in earshot of children, who would never find out about vaginas otherwise. As of press time, we had not bothered to tweet at Dr. Jen Gunther to see if this vagina deodorant was objectionable medically, because Monica Cole ain't care about that either, and also it did not occur to the male Wonkette who wrote this post.

WHAT ELSE?

Joe.My.God has the email:

Lume, a “deodorant for everyone’s everything,” needs to be called out for its latest commercial. The ad discusses that their product is safe to use everywhere on your body, including armpits, privates, and feet.

This is a grown woman who just typed "privates" in an email addressed to other adults.

As always, psychologists are free to weigh in, even if all you type in the comments is "Hahahahaha WTF."

But the commercial doesn’t stop there; it specifically mentions lady bits, testicles, chesticles, buttcracks, and sweaty backs.

"Chesticles"? WHAT? First the liberals made up new genders, now they're making up all new genitals!

Meanwhile, everybody knows lady bits, testicles and buttcracks were invented by Satan on a day when God gone fishin' and forgot to lock the shed, which means they are sin parts, which means people use them for sin boning, which causes sin-gasms, which means they should never be mentioned aloud by anyone, ever.

The ad begins with the founder and CEO of Lume, Dr. Shannon Klingman, who is also an OBGYN.

Klingman appears between her patient’s knees and table stirrups, as she asks, “So why am I hanging out between these stirrups? This is where Lume was born!” With that statement, Klingman pretends that her product is delivered from under the patient’s hospital gown.

An OBGYN? Hanging out in a lady's Down Theres? Without her husband's permission?

“As a woman, I have spent my fair share of time in this seat, self-conscious about my bottom half draft,” continues Dr. Klingman, now sitting on an examination table herself.

Then, the crude commercial ends with a double entendre, mentioning that Lume can also be used on the balls…of your feet.

Oh no! Everybody who sees this commercial is going to want to spend the rest of the afternoon playing with balls ... of feet! Just jiggling the balls (of feet) around in their hands!

For extra emphasis, the camera zooms in on a male’s crotch then pans to a close-up of his feet.

Great. Monica Cole is going to have to explain to her kids that males have crotches. Great.

This commercial is entirely too specific and too graphic for television. The details are over the top when simply mentioning “private parts” would have sufficed.

Yes, but does "Unstink Your No-No Shame Spots" really have the same flair?

Lume’s commercial would be inappropriate for television no matter what network it aired on.

But there is an even greater concern that the commercial is airing when some children could still be awake watching TV. Lume has crossed a line that should have never been crossed.

Can you imagine if Monica Cole had to confront a real problem? Can you imagine if the Russians were bombing her town?

Would she completely forget to save her family because she was too busy on the computer yelling about how she saw a commercial that reminded her of pubic hair?

Perhaps.

Whatever, Monica Cole. Keep on keepin' on.

OPEN THREAD.

[Joe.My.God]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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