One Million Moms Scared Kids Are Gonna Buy Sex Dolls For Father's Day On Etsy

Culture Wars

The One Million Moms living inside singular mother Monica Cole are mad about a thing. Again. The last we heard from them they were really upset about trans kids washing their hair with shampoo, which they seemed to believe is a thing for cis people only. Now they are mad at Etsy.

Yeah. You'd think they would have gone after that LGBTQ+ pride Lego set that all the conservatives have been crying about for the last month, but no. That is too obvious. They're going after Etsy. For being too sexy. And for selling things that they do not consider to be "family friendly." Because for some reason, they think Etsy has an obligation to be "family friendly."


The petition, which now has over 9,000 signatures (though not one million), reads:

Some consumers may be shocked to find out Etsy.com is no longer a family-friendly website. Etsy is selling graphic nude photos and sex toys including sex dolls. Etsy has become an adult themed store by including everything a fantasy store would sell. The site doesn't ask for age verification before viewing nude photos, and very few are pixelated or blurred for discretion. Our concern is that someone may stumble upon the images at any time, but especially in the coming weeks while searching for Father's Day gifts.

According to an online description, Etsy is supposed to be an e-commerce website that sells a wide variety of crafts, jewelry, and home d├ęcor, among other similar things, with a focus on handmade items.

Now it's a site that's also full of third-party pornography.

There are full nudity pictures, pinups, and posters of both heterosexual and homosexual partners engaging in sex. It is disgusting that Etsy has made this decision to become an online sex store rather than stick to its original policies of handcrafted and handmade items for sale from individual to individual.

We are confident many of our supporters would like to have this information before using the Etsy website, whether for purchasing or selling items for their families.

It is entirely possible to make a handcrafted dildo, Monica.

While I was able to find some of the things Cole described in her petition, as with most online marketplaces, I was only able to find them by searching for them specifically. Just as I was able to find many dildos and this giant nude portrait of Velma from Scooby-Doo on Amazon, which for some reason has zero customer reviews. So now my Etsy search history, which had been largely curated to mostly recommend nail art supplies and glamorous cape dresses from Bulgaria, is now all googoots and I'm going to have to spend the next week contemplating just what I would do if I went to someone's house and they had a giant nude portrait of Velma from Scooby-Doo hanging above their mantle.

But I digress.

One can also easily Google for these things. There are naked people and dildos all over the internet! Sex dolls, too. So, so many sex dolls. Not to mention the myriad documentaries about men who are in love with their sex dolls from the early 2010s, because that was a whole thing.

What exactly is it that Monica Cole imagines these hypothetical children would be searching for on Etsy, in terms of Father's Day presents, that would cause them to stumble upon a picture of a naked person or a dildo or some other sex toy? Is she concerned that they would be trying to buy a leather jacket for their father and just put "Leather Daddy" into the search bar? I don't know that children have that kind of money. That a search for ties could yield some BDSM-related results? Because that seems like a stretch. I did a search for golf balls and found absolutely zero testicles in the mix.

Perhaps Monica Cole and her "One Million Moms Who We Haven't Met Because They Are Models In Canada" friends might not be inclined to trust me, a woman who grew up in a house with a lovely picture of naked flapper ladies and is relatively sure she came out of it unscathed, but it seems like children looking for Father's Day presents are no more in danger of coming across a naked person or sex toy than they are on any other site on the internet. If parents fear that this is an issue, perhaps they should monitor their own children's internet use rather than going around telling Etsy they can't sell any crocheted dildo cozies or Mod Podged porn.

[One Million Moms]

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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