One Million Moms Sh*t The Bed Over A Freakin' Cottonelle Commercial.
You know how sometimes you hear stories about soldiers who got lost and never heard about a war ending, and so just kept fighting it for decades after it was over? If there is a cultural equivalent to that in America, it is the Nowhere Close To One Million Moms, an organization that seems to exist solely for the purpose of yelling at commercials and TV shows for featuring gay people or mentioning the word "sex."
A few weeks ago, Cottonelle launched a commercial for its flushable wipes featuring a gay couple, which is a pretty normal thing in this day and age, and not much of a thing to bat an eyelash at unless you are a giant freaking weirdo.
Cottonelle® DownThereCare: Meet His Parents TV Spot youtu.be
As is tradition, the One Million Moms and also some randos on the internet are VERY UPSET about this, because they had been laboring under the belief that toilet paper and flushable wipes were for straights only, and that gay people used like, leaves or something for butt-wiping purposes.
Poor Russ! How is his toilet paper going to feel special if gay people can use it too?
The Probably About Five Or So Moms have also launched a petition to let Cottonelle know that they are not happy with this commercial, or with another one featuring kids talking about flushable wipes. So far, it has been signed by the last 7,503 people in the world who are still mad about Ellen.
I urge Cottonelle and Kimberly-Clark Corporation to clean up your advertising. I was highly disappointed in your Commando ads, but now I am extremely offended that Cottonelle is both exploiting children and choosing to promote the normalization of homosexuality. Companies should be extremely cautious when casting minors in commercials. And with your product, it would safe to refrain from using children at all. It would also be wise to remain neutral on the controversial issue of homosexuality. I implore Cottonelle to stop producing inappropriate marketing campaigns and cancel commercials including children and controversial topics such as homosexuality immediately.
Of course, toilet paper commercials are not the only thing that's got the panties of the 12 Angry Dipshits in a bunch. They are also mad at a Walmart commercial that features a gay couple:
Walmart recently posted a video ad on its Facebook page of two homosexuals on a blind date. Unfortunately, the retail giant has decided to cave and be politically correct instead of remaining neutral on controversial issues. Founder, Sam Walton, would have never approved of this decision to promote the homosexual agenda.
The video ad normalizing the LGBT lifestyle is titled: "Love Is In The Aisle: A dating show at Walmart, episode 2." The ad features Pat and Andy meeting at Walmart and shopping while getting to know each other. Walmart also interviews Pat and Andy after their date.
Instead of remaining neutral in the culture war, Walmart decided to offend many of their conservative customers with their new video. You may view the video here if you have a Facebook login. Or if you do not use Facebook, the video description we provided hopefully will suffice.
And an ad for POM juice that, uh, mentions the word sex? And has a person doing yoga?
The newest POM Wonderful Antioxidant drink ad includes a woman doing yoga while the "Worry Monster" mascot talks to viewers.
"As Julie's Worry Monster, I couldn't wait for her 50th birthday," the monster says. "But instead of worrying, she does yoga and drinks POM. I thought we'd have more girls' nights reading the internet about diseases we could have. Don't even get me started on her sex life. It's perfect!"
As if that isn't disgusting enough, the description the company posted on YouTube reads: "Julie got healthy and started drinking POM Wonderful. Now her Worry Monster's worried about what's gotten into her."
Yeah, I don't know either.
Additionally, they're mad about a new show on TBS in which Steve Buscemi is playing God, which is weird because I would actually consider religion if Steve Buscemi were God. That would be pretty awesome! OH, and they're mad at Family Guy, because sure, why not?
They are also mad at Parents magazine for featuring a gay couple on the cover.
This agenda will be a deal breaker for most conservative families, so, with this information, many of our supporters and families may choose to cancel their subscription to Parents. After all, most conservative and Christian families will disagree morally with the magazine's decision, and subsequently, will not want to support its content.
Parents is the latest print media company to abandon what it does best in order to force a lifestyle on the American public that the medical community identifies as unhealthy. Rather than focusing on parenting tips, the publication shames Americans into embracing such a lifestyle.
And what "medical community" would that be?
LADIES (and Russ). Gay people are not "controversial." They exist! Companies cannot "remain neutral" on the existence of gay people anymore than Switzerland is still neutral in the World Wars. Like, the World Wars aren't happening anymore, and neither is this particular culture war. It is time to move on.
Besides. We all know that the most truly offensive toilet paper commercials are the ones with those smug ass bears.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse