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Oprah Narrowly Escaped The Taint!

News
  • Beloved Serbian leprechaun Rod Blagojevich went on Good Morning America instead of going to his corruption trial today, and talked about why Oprah would have made a good senator. [ABC News]
  • Barack Obama! Every day this guy issues more executive orders! This one will let the hippies in CA have the wondrously fuel-efficient cars they've been craving for years. [San Jose Mercury News]
  • A two-minute appeal for aid to Gaza will air on several British television stations, but not the BBC. This makes many BBC staffers very angry. [Guardian]
  • Yet another regional summit will convene in Africa to hammer out a power-sharing agreement in Zimbabwe. This process has been dragging on for almost literally a year, and Mugabe is still a dillweed. [Reuters]
  • A 14-year-old boy spent a whole day dressed as a cop, going around to traffic stops with an actual cop and generally doing things cops do, until he was caught. [Chicago Tribune]
  • Those Gazan children who are still alive went back to school today. [AHN]
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Times have been tough for those Trump supporters who are fine with his rampant bigotry but are discovering he's going to screw them like any number of non-wife-like women he totally swears he's never met.

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Jesse Kelly, the failed Arizona congressional candidate who thought he could take Gabby Giffords's former seat with a combination of word salad and support from white supremacists, has landed himself a sweet gig in the wingnuttosphere, where he writes columns for "The Federalist" and recently started a very dumb Youtube channel. This week, his very creative mind brings us a fantasia on America's inevitable slide into socialism, and a vow that unlike lots of sheeple, he won't go down without taking some liberal scalps. He insists he means that metaphorically, which is why he begins by a detailed description of taking a human scalp:

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