Oral Roberts Still Alive, Having Heat Flashes
Amid allegations that his son, on-leave Oral Roberts University President Richard Roberts, and daughter-in-law, Lindsay Roberts, were hiring perverted hobbits and having sex with 16-year-old hobbits (respectively), Oral "the tongue of a female goes into the vagina of another female" Roberts himself has returned to the Tulsa school for the first time in three years. Mostly to talk about Satan, an archetypal figure we fully endorse.
According to the Tulsa World, the ORU founder and namesake declared in an address to the school Monday that he has moved back to Tulsa from California to support to school in the Wars on Christmas, Terror, Satan and potentially more Satan. He claimed that all accusations in the lawsuit filed by three ex-ORU professors against his son and daughter-in-law were false, and that -- try as he may! -- "The devil is not going to steal ORU." The obvious inference being that the Dark Lord Lucifer has his eyes on teaching evolution there, like he did as a visiting professor one semester at Oberlin in the early 1980s.
Oral Roberts back at ORU [Tulsa World]