Oregon Militia Idiot Steals Gubmint Truck For Vital Snack Run, Goes Directly To Jail
But officer, this is a sovereign truck!
[contextly_sidebar id="zTqUOA16Env50yPlZhVHiNcssNDadOVz"]As the Great Big Bundy Militia Freedom Standoff slouches into its second week, there are signs that the Many Moron Marchers are growing either bolder, stupider, or both. Exhibit A: Oregon State Police arrested one of the brave freeloader fighters Friday when he drove a stolen federal vehicle into Burns, Oregon, to do a little shopping at the Safeway, doubtless because the militants got tired of eating dildos. For all we know, he thought the store name granted him immunity.
Police nabbed Kenneth Medenbach, 62, for driving a pickup belonging to the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge; he's being held for "suspicion of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle, a class C felony punishable by up to five years in prison." Medenbach's personal revolution was cut short even though his Bundy Buddies had painted over the federal insignia on the truck's doors with a sign reading "Harney County Resource Center," the name that the armed whackdoodles have given the federal nature preserve they're illegally occupying. But they left the federal license plates on, possibly because those worthless pieces of tin mean nothing to sovereign citizens. A passenger van with the same sign was found parked next to the pickup, but according to the Oregonian, "the man police suspect of driving that into town already had gone into the grocery before police arrived." Yr Wonkette is no lawyer, but we have to confess we're not sure why that guy wasn't arrested, too -- chances are he was armed and the police didn't want to risk any Second Amendment martyrs or hostages?
Medenbach is a fine piece of work all on his own. He was convicted back in 1995 for illegally camping in a national forest in Washington. We're not talking just setting up a tent: A judge ordered him held as a threat to others after Medenbach refused to stay away from his pretend freehold on federal land, and started gibbering to law enforcement officers about "Ruby Ridge" and "Waco." In addition, when he appealed his conviction, the court noted that he was a decidedly unhappy camper, citing evidence that
Medenbach had attempted to protect his forest campsite with fifty to a hundred pounds of the explosive ammonium sulfate, a pellet gun, and what appeared to be a hand grenade with trip wires. The government also proffered evidence that Medenbach had warned Forest Service officers of potential armed resistance to the federal government's continued control of the forest lands in question.
[contextly_sidebar id="5rHlfeHlQIosXFVCykq0YvtijljYqB3o"]Prior to that, according to Oregon Public Broadcasting, Medenbach had been arrested for trying to squat on BLM land near his house in southern Oregon, claiming that the federal land was actually his "homestead." He told a judge that in the very special copy of the U.S. Constitution that he understands but the lawless federal government doesn't, the Feds are only allowed to own property for military bases and post offices, so there. It's pretty much the same argument the Bundy Bunch made in a December 2015 manifesto, although courts have proven surprisingly unaccommodating to their arguments.
In other Bundy Bunch developments, birders and other supporters of the wildlife refuge -- the real wildlife refuge, not the Lesser Speckled Tits illegally nesting there -- are organizing protests against the Shit-Headed Loons. Several dozen protesters gathered in Bend, Oregon, about two hours away, carrying signs with slogans like "Birders Against Bullies" and no doubt wearing very sensible shoes. Additional protests are planned for multiple locations around the state on Tuesday, January 19. Yr Wonkette would like to offer its support for the birding demonstrators, who we suspect can easily outlast the Peckerheaded Boobies. At the very least, birders know more about the outdoors and how to pack for it.
And for everyone wondering why law enforcement hasn't gone all Apocalypse Now on the Bundidiots, we recommend this explainer from the Oregonian, featuring an interview with former FBI hostage negotiator Danny Coulson, who points out that while the DorkTroopers are in the middle of nowhere and pose no immediate threat:
We don't have a violent act here. Again, it's just protesters. If you deny access and have to put a road block up and set up a perimeter, you know what that costs a day? Millions of dollars. And what do you accomplish? You'll likely raise the tension for something that's not going to help you.
In essence, it's a really annoying case of trespassing, but there aren't any hostages and "It's certainly is not worth a firefight," Coulson explained. So patience is called for, especially considering that no matter how many times these poorly-prepared preppers wave their pocket Constitutions around and compare themselves to Paul Revere, they aren't going to get the Sovereign Free Land they jizz over in their dreams. The BLM and the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service aren't going to evaporate and turn over the wildlife refuge to ranchers and loggers. Coulson says he's fairly sure they've been informed they won't get that.
The FBI has been mobilized, and is keeping an eye on things in the background, focusing on the "investigation" part of their name, according to another former FBI agent, Cliff Van Zandt, who explained that time is on the side of law enforcement:
"There's no doubt in my mind that they're fully prepared to go in tactically and resolve this situation if they need to," Van Zandt said. "But the federal government has nothing to gain by taking some kind of precipitous action that would give the group more attention or reason to have an armed confrontation."
Considering the tactical brilliance of a bunch of guys who think painting a new door sign on a federal vehicle makes it theirs, it's safe to predict the Bundytarians won't be outsmarting the federal government anytime soon.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.