Your mission today: look through all five hundred "new congress gets acquainted with the Capitol" stories printed today in every major paper in the country (1, 2, 3, 4), and pick out the most idiotic/inane/funny-out-of-context quotes.

Howard Mortman casts his vote for a bit of wide-eyed wonder at gift regulations and shopping opportunities, but we're going to go with new BFF Jesus Freak Michele Bachmann's "joke:"

"My No. 1 goal is to not go to jail," Bachmann said, chuckling.

You'll have to bring your A Game to compete with crazies past, Michele, but we have hope for you.

Newcomers Prepare for the 110th Congress [Star Tribune]