'I'm Totally Off Script Right Now.' Wonkagenda For Mon., March 4, 2019

Trump's humps a flag, Bernie's back, and Fox News is calling from INSIDE the White House. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things wemaybe talking about today.

Kentucky Republican Sen. Rand Paul says he'll support a resolution blocking Trump's emergency declaration to build a goddamn wall on the Southern border. With Paul's defection, there are now just enough votes to pass the resolution after Senators Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, and Thom Tillis announced their support. WaPo reports Mitch McConnell has essentially quit trying to whip Republican in the Senate into opposing the resolution, and is telling members that it's every old white man for themself.

House Judiciary Chair Jerry Nadler went on TV to say he plans to subpoena ALL THE DOCUMENTS from ALL THE PEOPLE in Trump world. In an appearance on ABC's "This Week," Nadler stated he would "begin investigations to present the case to the American people about obstruction of justice, corruption and abuse of power." Nadler told host George Stephanopoulos that he felt Trump had obstructed justice, but felt impeachment "was a long way down the road." Trump later threw a tantrum on Twitter, and called Nadler's comments "presidential harassment" (again). [ Transcript ]

On Saturday Trump went to the annual 2019 CPAC conference to hump the American flag and chum the blood thirsty crowd with red meat for two hours as he screamed nonsense and lies. This morning the WaPo factchecker reports that Trump has now made 9,014 "false or misleading" statements in his 773 days days in office. Meanwhile, an NBC News/WSJ poll has foundTrump's approval numbers have have crept up to 46%, with most of his support coming from people in the Midwest, though it does note he's hemorrhaging support in the Sunbelt.

Now that the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) have ballooned the national debt, the self-described king of debt is suddenly concerned with Uncle Sam being able to pay bills. Politico notes that the Treasury Department will use "extraordinary measures" to kick the can down the road for another few months, setting up a another unnecessary fight that's likely to shove financial markets onto another roller coaster ride. 

The Senate Health Committee is going to hold hearings on the stupidity of anti-vaxxers, and they're bringing in 18-year-old Justin Lindenberger to 'splainer why he rebelled against his crazy mom and got himself vaccinated. In a video posted to Twitter, Lindenberger says he'll be testifying alongside Washington state's secretary of health. The hearing comes as multiple states report outbreaks of measles as a rash of crazy idiots lobby local legislators to relax vaccination laws.

Back in 2011 -- around the time Trump running calling into cable news to scream about secret Kenyan socialist Muslims, Democratic Sen. Kamala Harris took money from the Trump family for her AG race. While Harris donated that cash to Central American civil and human rights groups shortly after becoming AG, McClatchy reports over the last decade Harris has accepted money from super rich people AND poor people, just like every other politician. The horror... 

GASP! GUFFAW! The brave crusading "journalists" at the New York Post found New York Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tools around in A MINI-VAN instead of taking the subway, implying that she's a hypocrite. In a series of tweets, AOC responded by saying they deserve a Pulitzer for uncovering her dastardly dirty deed, pointed out it's her aunt's van, and admitted to flying, using the AC, and murdering Goldfish snacks.  IN PEACH!

Aides for former Veep Joe Biden are urging him to shit or get off the pot and decide if #HesRunning in 2020. Those aides tell Politico he'll make a decision as early as April, but he's waiting on former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe to decide if #HesRunning.

Michigan Republican Rep. Justin Amash went on CNN to say he's not sure if #HesRunning in 2020 on the Libertarian ticket. 

Former Obama AG Eric Holder says #HesNOTrunning, and that he intends to keep his reputation unblemished, by fighting for the future and ending gerrymandering.

Vermont independent Sen. Bernie Sanders officially kicked off his 2020 run for the Democratic nomination in rallies in Brooklyn and Chicago this weekend. In Chicago, Sanders reminded swag-clad supporters that not only is he pitching the same 'ol shtick, but he's also interested in the plight of black communities too.

Early this morning, Colorado's former two-term Democratic Governor, John Hickenlooper, announced #HesRunning. In a video, the 67 year-old Hickenlooper describes himself as a kid with Coke bottle glasses and a funny last name who stands up to bullies, boasts about his progressive bona fides like climate legislation and gun laws, and his businesses acumen with starting a brew pub (before it was cool).

Stand Tall    www.youtube.com   

Moments after rambling on stage about Facebook watching him masturbate at CPAC, freshman Missouri Republican Sen. Josh Hawley GOT SERVED with a subpoena. The former state AG has been ordered by the court to answer questions from the St. Louis AG, Elad Gross, about Hawley's handling of a state Sunshine Law regarding nonprofits set-up by the disgraced former Republican Gov. Eric Greitens.

The Trump administration quietly closed the US consulate to the Palestinians last night, instead opting to conduct all US business with Palestine at Trump's new US embassy in Jerusalem. A State Department spox described the move as "driven by our global efforts to increase the efficiency and effectiveness of our diplomatic engagements and operations," which is a bureaucratic way of saying, "They can't complain if they can't reach the door."

Trump's nuclear deal went up in flames before he even landed in Hanoi, according to reporting by the New York Times . Both Trump and Kim assumed they'd be able to get the upper hand in negotiations despite warnings from aides that both authoritarians are overzealous overweight idiots with big mouths. Because negotiators didn't have enough time to come to any sort of agreement before the hastily stitched together PR stunt, both Trump and Kim walked into the meeting arguing for non-starters, with Trump gambling Kim would accept vague terms to "denuke." National security mustache John Bolton went on TV to spin the embarrassing failure and continued coddling of murderous dictators as yet another win, and Trump later began shitposting that it was really Democrats and Michael Cohen's fault for making him look dumb.

The Trump administration is considering extending Temporary Protected Status to Venezuelans in the US. This way they won't get shoved into a baby jail while the administration goes on a crusade for communists in a Central American "shithole" country.

A bike race in Belgium had to be stopped after the leader of the women's group almost caught up with the men's group. Event organizers forced cyclist Nicole Hanselmann to pull over for speeding , allowing her male counterparts to widen the gender gap. After winning the race, Dutch cyclist Chantal Blaak posted a message on social media stating, "Maybe the other women and me were too fast or the men too slow."

Self-described dirty trickster Roger Stone is in hot water with the courts AGAIN for not mentioning the "impending release" of a book about how Trump won in 2016, potentially violating a gag order that was barely a week old. The judge has ordered Stone's defense team to explain themselves by the end of the day today, which should be interesting since Stone has continued to post crap on social media seemingly critical of prosecutors -- another potential violation of his gag order.

Lynn Patton, the token black woman Republican Rep. Mark Meadows says proves Trump isn't a racist, wanted to star in a reality show while serving as a HUD official. Producers pitched the show as a "serious" documentary on powerful black Republican women like Katrina Pierson and Candice Owens, but HUD officials tell WaPo the deal was nuked on ethical grounds. Patton apparently wanted the show so bad she was willing to "resign" for two months, and bitched about not making enough moneyin government service,despite making $160,000 a year to oversee HUD's New York and New Jersey region, as well as her role on the 2020 Trump campaign.

The New Yorker's Jane Mayer has a really good bajillion word piece about how Fox News is so embedded in Trump's White House that it's practically a branch of the West Wing. Mayer says the incestious relationship has created a feedback loop that reinforces the nonsensical bullshit spewed by every spox and whorecrux. Mayer even says Fox killed the Stormy Daniels story BEFORE the election because it made CEO Rupert Murdoch have a sad.

After John Oliver gave Ivanka Trump a reality checkon the benefits of meritocracy, Oliver 'splainered automation and how it's robots, not Mexicans, that took 'yer jerbz.

 SNL's cold open this weekend mocked the Michael Cohen hearings, bringing in Bill Hader to play sweaty mouth breather Republican Rep. Jim Jordan, and Ben Stiller to play Cohen. In a much better sketch cut for time, SNL ripped California Democratic Sen. Dianne Feinstein for being a cranky old lady who hates kids and the environment.

Cut for Time: Dianne Feinstein Message - SNL    www.youtube.com   

And here's your morning Nice Time! BABY ANTEATERS! 

Anteater Pup Born    www.youtube.com   

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