White Riot. Wonkagenda For Mon., March 18, 2019

Trump shitposts all weekend, the Biden MIGHT be running, and Brexit is a Monty Python sketch. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things wemaybe talking about today.

Trump spent the weekend shitposting about everything under the sun. He again railed against the late Republican Sen. John McCain for killing TrumpCare, threatened Saturday Night Live with federal investigations for constantly calling him an imbecilic man-child, cried for Jeanine Pirro and Tucker Carlson, yelled at union workers laid off by General Motors, and ultimately ignored condemnation of white supremacy following the terrorist attack in New Zealand. After Trump sent almost three dozen shitposts, George Conway tweeted, "His condition is getting worse." Following Mick Mulvaney's exasperated assertion that Trump "is not a white supremacist" on the Sunday shows, this morning the gang atFox and Friends reinforced Trump's worst instincts by claiming there was no "link" between Trump and the white supremacist who murdered 50 Muslims in New Zealand.

In the wake of the white supremacist terrorist attack in New Zealand, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has pledged to introduce legislation to change the country's gun laws within the next week. In a related story, an Australian teenager who threw an egg at racist Australian Sen. Fraser Anning and was then brutally attacked by Anning is asking people not to send him money, and instead donate to victims of the New Zealand attacks. The teen, now known as EggBoy, has not been charged by police.

 Fox decided to bump Jeanine Pirro's show off the air this weekend in response to her anti-Muslim tirade last week. Fox declined to comment on why they wouldn't let the loudmouthed bigot on TV following another white nationalist's murderous rampage, and nothing of value was lost.

 An early review of "black box" data from the crashed Ethiopian Airlines plane shows "clear similarities" to the Indonesian Lion Air crash last October. WaPo has a damning story aboutTrump's personal intervention in NOT grounding Boeing 737 Max 8 planes. According to the piece, the FAA knew damn well what had happened, but Trump, his cabinet of grifters, and Boeing's brass were ultimately more concerned with their profit margins. The WSJ reports that a federal grand jury has started sending out subpoenas, and the FAA's internal watchdog is investigating all the ALLEGED fuckery.

One of Trump's super fancy inaugural balls curiously had a lot of foreign nationals paying $8,000 a head, and WaPo has an interesting longread into how Tom Barrack put the whole dubiously legal shebang together.

Mike Pence is on his knees and praying to his lord and savior, one Donald J. Trump, to save him from the whippings and beatings he's been getting as 2020 candidates hit the campaign trail. Like Jesus on a cross, Pence is soaking up mean words from Republicans and Democrats who think he's an asshole.

Poor Tea Party Sen. Ted Cruz just got fined by the FEC for inaccurately reporting more than $1 million in loans from Goldman Sachs and Citibank during his 2012 campaign. It really makes you think what else Ted Cruz might have lied about.

Political wizards think Beto O'Rourke's rough weekend on the campaign trail isn't a good sign, no matter how some informal talks with family, friends, and B. Barry Bamz convinced him to run. For his part, Beto says his Gen X past wouldn't slow his 2020 run (like ALLEGEDLY being a super secret phone "hacker" ) even if his potty mouth, stupid jokes, orlack of policy positions do. This morning, Beto's camp announced he'd set a fundraising record, hauling in $6.1 million in the first 24 hours of his campaign.

 Joe Biden almost announced #HesRunning during a speech to other old people in his home state of Delaware. At the proto-campaign rally Biden wolfed down his foot when he said he had the "most progressive record of anybody running" before quickly coughing up, "anybody who would run," as the crowd began to chant. In a related story, Politico fired off a hatchet job on Biden's lucrative semi-retirement.

Maryland Republican Gov. Larry Hogan still won't say if #HesRunning either, but he sure as hell sounds like he's laying the groundwork to mount a primary challenge to Trump. Hogan calls himself a traditional Republican, like Bill Kristol, George Bush, or Grover Norquist, coddling people with half-truths before he screws everyone.

Minnesota Democratic Rep. Ilhan Omar has an op-ed throwing shade at what she believes is the hypocrisy of US foreign policy. It's not just Mr. Bonesaw.

A gunhumping Missouri state lawmaker says he was just trying to trigger the local libs and get famous when he introduced bills that would require Missouri millennials to buy semiautomatic AR-15 assault weapons, and everyone over 21 to own a handgun. The jackass says he's "a country boy, born and raised on guns" who only got into politics because he couldn't afford law school.

The South Carolina Post and Courier has a brilliant expose documenting how local sheriffs have "embezzled, bribed, and dipped into public funds," and been caught drunk driving, bullying public officials, and using their power to sexually harass women. The Post and Courier notes that not all the South Carolina sheriffs are crooked SOBs , it's more like one in four.

Political geeks have quietly joked that Brexit has devolved into a boorish Monty Python sketch , but Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte took it a step further when he called Theresa May the limbless knight when trying to express his respect for May's resilience in the face of constant failure. Rutte stated, "All the arms and legs are cut off but he then tells the opponent: 'Let's call it a draw.' She's incredible. She goes on and on." Politico reports that crackpot conservatives think they've found a loophole that would let them take a hard Brexit, though nerds don't think it's likely.

New estimates from the Pentagon show the US is planning on leaving almost 1,000 people in Syria after talking to Turkish and European allies, and the US-backed Syrian Kurds. The WSJ reports Turkey is continuing to threaten the Kurds with what amounts to genocide, so the Pentagon decided to just kind of ignore Trump's troop withdraw spiel.

The Guardian reports that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has had a falling out with his father, and has been stripped of some power as a budding dictator. Saudi insiders say that MBS's absence from high-level cabinet meetings suggests he is on the outs with his pops over more reports that since 2017 MBS has been straight-up kidnapping and/or murdering all his critics wherever they are in the world. Saudi officials are quoting Donald Trump and saying US intelligence reports about Dr. Bonesaw aren't to be believed.

Democratic Rep. Mike Doyle, chair of the House Energy and Commerce Committee's subcommittee on communications and technology, tells CNET that House Democrats are going full steam ahead to restore net neutrality . Doyle is also putting Republicans on full blast, stating, "Republicans made no effort to come to me to say let's sit down and work together on a net neutrality bill. They just introduced three bills on us without ever calling us in advance and without ever saying we want to work with you. What did they think I was going to do? Put them on the schedule and mark them up?"

 John Oliver 'splainered public shaming, how the golden age of outrage can do just as much good as it does harm, and then talked with Monica Lewinsky about the difference between unnecessary dick jokes and saying #TuckerCarlsonFucksHisRoomba.

Public Shaming: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)    www.youtube.com   

Famed surf rock guitarist Richard Monsour, better known as Dick Dale, passed away on Saturday. The left-handed Dale, best known for songs like Misirlou, relentlessly toured until his death to pay off staggering medical bills due to frequent battles with cancer.

Dick Dale & The Del Tones "Misirlou" 1963    www.youtube.com   

Here's some bonus Nice Time:  FREEDOM COW! 

Cow in Noblesville, Indiana evades police, heads straight to Chick-fil-A https: //t.co/uR4XwBnpvu

— Breaking911 (@Breaking911) 1552863881.0 

And here's your morning Nice Time! It's PRINCE MICHAEL! He's so honorable!

How To Be a Better Purr-son    www.youtube.com   

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