Miss Nancy If You're Nasty. Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 11, 2019

Bill Barr carries water, the Afghan Papers, and Brexit elections. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things wemaybe talking about today.

Everyone is clutching their pearls after House Democrats announced articles of impeachment against Donald Trump.The Washington Posthas a bunch of Republicans with nothing to lose decrying Trump and the political rift their party has spent three decades widening. Tonight and tomorrow morning lawmakers in the House Judiciary will mark-up the impeachment articles, with a potential vote as soon as next week. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell continues to maintain he wants a quick trial as opposed to the long, drawn out spectacle favored by Trump so that he can get back to his regularly scheduled cowering and court packing.

Gabe Sherman gossips that Trump is "freaked" by the possibility that Fox News could cover his impeachment trial with a modicum of fairness. Meanwhile, Ivanka Trump went running to McClatchy in order to whitewash the impeachment of the Trump White House by bragging about USMCA.

Speaking of NAFTA 2, Nancy Pelosi bragged to House Democrats that she "ate" the administration's "lunch" after it agreed to a number of their changes. Republicans are grumbling and K Street is not happy Pelosi killed a big provision favored by big pharma, effectively serving them a shit sandwich.

Trump will sign an executive order to withhold federal funds from college campuses that don't stop the growing BDS movement. The order will declare Judaism as a race or nationality, not a religion, and is being framed by the administration as a way to stop the very types of anti-Semitic tropes Trump himself has excused and championed as recently as yesterday, when he claimed Jewish people were another race or nationality. This guy knows what's up. 

 Trump has paid $2 million in court-ordered damages for using his charity to rip off the state of New York by buying a giant portrait of himself. New York Attorney General Letitia James says the money has been split between actual charities, including the Army Emergency Relief, the Children's Aid Society, Citymeals-on-Wheels, Give an Hour, Martha's Table, the United Negro College Fund, the United Way of National Capital Area, and the US Holocaust Memorial Museum. According to James, Trump was also forced to reimburse his own foundation for $11,525 for "sports paraphernalia and champagne purchased at a charity gala." BONUS: Here's the 19 admissions Trump had to agree to as part of the settlement.

NPR has a great investigation showing how Education Secretary Betsy DeVos disagreed with career staffers who felt student borrowers were being defrauded by the grifty for-profit colleges she loves so much. DeVos argues borrowers only deserve partial relief from their federal student loans since they gotsomethingout of the dogshit schools.

Democrats are backing a longshot chance to expand Medicare provisions for seniors in a new drug bill. Roll Call reports the proposal would fill loopholes to provide for things like dentures, hearing aides, and glasses for more people. The proposal is expected to be attached to a larger signature healthcare bill Democrats are expected to vote on tomorrow.

A number of Democrats and advocacy groups feel like they got screwed on the National Defense Authorization Act. They argue the annual military spending bill does little to rein in the Pentagon's consistently rising bills, or the administration's shady business overseas.

If you still haven't read the Washington Post 's story on the Afghanistan Papers, you really should. In Part Two, the story outlines how the Pentagon knew the war was unwinnable and their war fighting strategy was deeply flawed, but they went ahead anyway. Former Afghan president Hamid Karzai is pushing back against charges detailed in Part 4 -- that his administration was laughably corrupt -- by saying, "What could we do? It was US money coming here and used by them and used for means that did not help Afghanistan."

Meanwhile, the DOD is warning that attacks from Russia, Turkey, Iran, and Syria are now a greater risk to US forces in Syria than ISIS, and they're asking for clarification on what to do if one (or all) of these assholes decides to start some shit (again).

Politico is reporting Joe Biden is signaling that he'll serve one term in order to win over the angry youths who think Uncle Joe is too damn old. According to the report, Biden would surround himself with a bunch of fresh faces who would hold his hand as he slowly walks with Lady Liberty through the rubble of Trump's America, but the only problem is a "lame duck" president is about as appealing as an "octogenarian" president.

Pete Buttigieg has coughed up a list of his clients from his time at McKinsey. Some see it as a nothingburger, while progressives are still calling him "Wall Street Pete" for his time in cubicle land. Last night Butters went on Rachel Maddow and tried to talk his way out of the shitstorm by saying there wasn't anything "sizzling," but that's not really his call, is it.

Christy Smith is quickly becoming the favorite to replace former Rep. Katie Hill. Smith has earned endorsements from Emily's List, Senators Dianne Feinstein and Kamala Harris, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and 13 other House members. Smith's primary opponent is Young Turks host Cenk Uygur, who's made shitty comments about of the LGBTQ community, women, orthodox Jews and Muslims (to name a few).

 Six people were killed during a shootout in Jersey City, New Jersey. A police officer, two gunmen, and three innocent bystanders are dead. Last night the mayor of Jersey City, Steven Fulop, suggested the gunmen were attempting to attack a kosher market; City Public Safety Director James Shea says terrorism is not suspected (for once).UPDATE:  The New York Times is reporting one of the shooters posted an anti-Semitic note ...

 Britons are set to hit the polls tomorrow for an election that will decide the fate of the United Kingdom's place in the greater European community. By most accounts, child-punching Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his conservative Tories have led most polls. The head of the liberal Labour party, Jeremy Corbyn, has been trying to keep from drowning in the polls and tamp down very real instances of anti-Semitism. Aside from being wishy-washy (at best) on Brexit, Corbyn recently proposed dramatically increasing social services, including free university tuition, increased taxes on the wealthy, and nationalizing some industries, like railways and broadband internet. A third party, the Liberal Democrats, led by 39-year-old Jo Swinson, have been trying to garner support from people pissed at both Labour and the Tory parties by leading a staunch "Remain" campaign if they win (which they won't). There's also the the douchey Brexit party, led by race-baiting Islamaphobic douchebag Nigel Farage, as well as other smaller parties. A photo of a child sleeping on a hospital floor and the revelation that a Russian disinfo campaign have hit BoJo's campaign particularly hard, potentially shaking up the race in its final hours. Political wizards don't know if any party has enough to win a full parliamentary majority, so things should get interesting rather quickly.

Yahoo it will let people download Yahoo Groups data through January 31, so if you're old enough to remember message boards, and actually want that data, you'd better hop to it as Verizon is banning tech-savvy archivists. 

What in tarnation!? Some desert trash is running around Las Vegas and gluing little cowboy hats on the heads of pigeons. TheNew York Timescaught themselves a bird nerd who isn't too worried as pigeons are badass flying rats, while theWashington Postfound some activists, Lofty Hopes , running a local rescue who've been tracking the birds and removing the stupid hats.

Greta Thunberg is TIME's 2019 person of the year. Good!

Trevor Noah 'splained how Trump having the tiniest impeachment ever will probably make him a little more insecure.

Dems Bring Two Articles of Impeachment Against Trump | The Daily Show    www.youtube.com 

And here's your morning Nice Time: PENGUINS! 

'Tis the Season for Penguin Nesting!    www.youtube.com 

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