2008 Election Rendered Invalid, Due To Campaign Heavyweights' Lack Of College Degrees

Steve Schmidt and David Plouffe are both shiftless, do-nothing losers who will never make a dime because they did not spend the requisite four-plus years drinking cheap beers and having awkward sex with people they did not particularly like at "college." Both of them in fact dropped out of the University of Delaware, in the process sealing their fate as unemployable hobos. And this is why you must stay in school, children! Because otherwise you might end up pursuing a tawdry life in "politics," which is basically just "prostitution for ugly people."

Delaware is, so to speak, the two politicos' Almost Mater. Schmidt attended the University from 1988 to 1993 and Plouffe attended from 1985 fall [sic] 1988. Both were – and, in fact, are – political science majors: A spokeswoman for the university, Andrea Boyle, said one part of the day’s visit had been a meeting with school officials to hash out the details of finishing their respective degrees.

Plouffe, who dropped out to work on Tom Harkin’s presidential campaign and caught the political bug and never returned, will do some on line work “via distance learning” and “will come back to campus to finish some in person, while he works on his book, she said.

Schmidt, who is just one math class short of his degree, will complete it online, Boyle said.

These two doomed, futureless sad-sacks believe that finishing college through a goddamncorrespondence coursewill save them from their fate, when in fact it guarantees they will become housebound sociopaths who spend their days writing long ranting emails to every news source on the planet, ending each incoherent screed with "PhD", to prove that they are "educated."

 Schmidt, Plouffe on long-shot McCain [Politico]