2025: We're Still Alive, She Said*

*See terms and conditions. May not apply.

Happy GET THE FUCK OUT 2025 Day to all who celebrate! That’s you, and you, and definitely YOU! Will 2026 be any better? Well, hmmm, mmph, could be? Also could be not!

The worst part of 2025 might have been the ICE and National Guard invasions of our best cities. It might have been slow-walking into a war against … dudes in Venezuelan fishing boats? But I think the worst part of 2025 happened right at the beginning: just knowing it all was coming, in various flavors of degeneracy that we wouldn’t be able to foresee until they hit us in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. Trump going War of 1812 on his own White House wasn’t the very worst — nobody got hurt, that we know of, no US citizens were put in Brett Kavanaugh’s ICE jail by Trump blowing up the East Wing up like the aliens in Independence Day — but it still managed to shock me breathless. Similarly, putting his own stupid name on the goddamn Kennedy Center, or putting up those fucking plaques about Barack Divisive Hussein Obama and Joe the Autopen in the “presidential hall of fame,” didn’t hurt anything but our own dignity.

But they were a hell of a blow to that.

The ICE stuff we saw coming — except, somehow, the people who voted for the man promising MASS DEPORTATIONS NOW while married to actual immigrants. The hideously corrupt and contemptible Cabinet — we knew that would happen, and we knew there wouldn’t be a single old-school-style asshole-Republican-but-at-least-a-grownup. It still hurt though when the Senate agreed to make RFK Jr. secretary of polio. It hurt like … shit, it hurt like polio!

We expected Joe Biden’s hard-earned economy — an actual decrease in income inequality for probably the first time in “America,” hot-shit employment numbers, actual wage growth — to be shat upon immediately, and for Trump to steal everything that wasn’t nailed down. But we didn’t see “kill USAID” coming. Surprise!

Nobody expected the Venezuelan Inquisition.

I don’t even remember what happened the rest of the year. I just know it was mostly bad!

This November, Democrats will likely win at least the House of Representatives in the midterm elections, perhaps helped along by Trump’s insistence on dummymandering all the red states. That will help mostly for reasons of morale, because “being constrained by laws or Congress” certainly didn’t stop Trump and his cretins from doing a single evil thing they ever put their minds to. But it’s still something to look forward to!

In the meantime, as always, we got us babe. We can take solace in knowing not just that we are good people, but that there are others like us, and we’re all right here. People we love will marry; people we love will have babies; people we love will keep right on living. And when they or we shuffle off to Buffalo (I mean die), they or we will be actually mourned, loved, and missed, and our good lives lived celebrated. Despite these utter shitheads being temporarily in power, most people loathe them and will dance when they die.

Happy New Year!

Pop in every hour on the hour from noon till midnight for 2025 in Wonkette! We have tomorrow off.