Discover more from Wonkette
Trump's Saudi Golf Tournament Sounds Like Real Festival Of Accidental Boners
The future of golf!
The other day, Wonkette had the story of how Donald Trump's Saudi-sponsored LIV Golf Series at his Bedminster resort in New Jersey was simply the hottest golf tournament in the whole world, WAY hotter than those stinky "PGA TOUR" events. What do those people think they are, some kind of Professional Golfers' Association?
WE HAD THE STORY! Trump: A Noun, A Verb, And A Giant F*ck You To 9/11 Victims' Families
In fact, the LIV Golf Series was so cool, so very much the next hottest thing in golf — much like Trump's Truth Social is the next hottest thing in social media — that it was apparently absolutely worth it to jam a stick in the eye of 9/11 victims' families, who were begging Trump not to host an event sponsored by the country where the ringleader of the 9/11 attacks came from, and where 15 of the 19 hijackers who murdered their loved ones came from.
TRUTH SOCIAL! SO HOT RIGHT NOW! BREAKING: Trump's Truth Social Still Raging Tire Fire
We are here to tell you it was all worth it, obviously. Reading the news reports from the event, you can just tell how great it was.
First of all, known golf gods Tucker Carlson and Marjorie Taylor Greene were there,so you can imagine Bumble was lit UP with half of New Jersey trying to see if they could get a date with them. And the crowd did a "Let's Go Brandon!" As we all know, "Let's Go Brandon" is the "Gallagher" of "jokes," by which we mean it is the very funniest of them all.
Here is a video of joke:
““Let’s go Brandon” chant breaks out at #LIVGolf as President Trump, @DonaldJTrumpJr, @TuckerCarlson, @kimguilfoyle, @RepMTG, and @EricTrump stepped outside together. MAGA! 🇺🇸”
— Alex Bruesewitz (@Alex Bruesewitz) 1659300394
Donald Trump Jr. was there and he posted some video of the proceedings. Man, he got hard over this one. Allegedly .
“The greatest F/U in the history of Golf just happened. Awesome job @henrikstenson!!! #LIVGolf #Rydercup @LIVGolfInv @TrumpGolf”
— Donald Trump Jr. (@Donald Trump Jr.) 1659306855
Oh wow, was it the greatest "F/U in the history of golf?" And is that something people were looking for to happen this weekend? Were ticketholders — more on that esteemed lot a couple grafs down — just really counting on this tournament, so they could teach Big Golf a lesson?
Anyway, also in attendance were Eric Trump and Don Jr.'s girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle. Yes, the list of "hot celeb sightings" devolves to people with the last name "Trump" pretty quickly.
Ivana Trump was there, but arguably she didn't choose that.
But look, it was just very legal and very cool for everybody to do "Let's Go Brandon" — again, the one joke, the best joke, the one that is a clever and whimsical way to say "fuck you Biden," but cleverly and whimsically — at an event paid for by the government of the country whose citizens murdered thousands of Americans just a few miles away. If Trump indeed footed any of the bill, the fact that he also incited a terrorist attack against America and tried to overthrow the government is just the icing on the cake. Or maybe the Saudis are the icing and the real MVP of attacking America is Trump.
Oh well, boys, it's not a contest, no need to shake your peckers around at each other.
In related news, while Trump's tournament was underway, President Brandon was busy murdering Ayman al-Zawahri, one of the chief masterminds of the 9/11 attacks. Weird how Democratic presidents always steal Trump's thunder by doing that.
Minor league wingnut celebrity Jack Posobiec tweeted a video of the proceedings, saying they had "big 2024 energy." We are not sure if he meant that the small crowds at Trump's Saudi Bonesaws 'n' Bone Spurs golf tour reminded him of Trump's inauguration, but that's where our mind went. Reportedly you could get $3 tickets to the shindig on StubHub. Others reported you could get them for a mere dollar. Indeed, the StubHub fees were more expensive than the actual tickets.
Read the Washington Post's reporting on all the huge successes:
Fewer than 1,000 people were concurrently watching the Facebook Live feed for much of the first two rounds this weekend, while LIV Golf’s YouTube channel was at or above 60,000 viewers for much of Saturday’s second round. On the course, there were far fewer people. Event officials didn’t announce attendance, though most estimates suggested only a few thousand spectators. Tickets sold for $75 per day but could be had on the secondary market for $1 apiece (plus $5.05 in fees via StubHub).
Take THAT, libs. Can't say Trump and his pals are funneling money to the Saudis when the word "money" is doing such hard work in that sentence.
And good lord, the actual event appears to have been incredibly shitty and boring, and that's a low bar when you're talking about golf tournaments.
There were paratroopers before the first tee shot and T-shirt guns during breaks in the action.
Oh no, not T-shirt guns! Were there medics present to revive everybody from the spontaneous orgasms?
Music — stadium rock, Top 40, dance — blared from speakers across the course, even as players lined up tricky putts.
Three kinds of music? They thought of everything.
“We firmly believe that we can attract a younger audience,” Atul Khosla, the LIV president and chief operating officer, said in an interview. “ … If you look at golf over the years, it’s aged. I think the average viewership is 65 and older. And I think from our perspective, when we looked at launching a new product, we’ve always viewed it from the lens of, ‘What are we trying to solve for?’ And what we’re trying to solve for is get younger people playing golf, watching golf, becoming fans of golf. And we think we can do that by changing how the product is packaged.”
And they said fuck it, we're doing T-shirt guns and we're doing music, and there's gonna be a "Let's Go Brandon!" and everything else will take care of itself.
For the uninitiated, LIV presents golf as both an individual and a team sport. There are 12 teams, with names such as Crushers, Majesticks and Aces.
Here comes that spontaneous orgasm again.
This is all really great and we can't imagine why millions more people didn't tune in.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!