Home Ec Major Marsha Blackburn Not Paying For YOUR Useless (Gay) Degree!
Everything in this post is true except for the joke about cows giving out scholarships, that probably isn't a thing.
It's so banal that it barely merits mention, but you probably have noticed that one of the Republican talking points in opposition to Joe Biden's student loan relief is that Republicans — responsible, hard-working Republicans! — don't want to pay for "silly" degrees, and they especially don't want to pay for degrees they don't morally approve of, like "gender studies" or degrees that imply that Black people exist.
As we all know, Republicans only major in carpentry, bootstrap-pulling, and MBA.
GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert said some shit about lesbian ice dancing theory or something. Wait, it was just "lesbian dance theory." Lesbian ice dancing theory is funnier, obviously, but we actually ... ugh, we are sorry ... that one is still kind of funny. Goddammit, Lauren Boebert.
Kimberly Guilfoyle, who is in a relationship with Donald Trump Jr. and his horrific face on purpose , similarly complained about giving debt relief to people who "wanna have some bizarre basket-weaving degree." She also attacked the "laziness" of people who haven't yet been able to pay off their student loans. We'd argue, except her loud messaging — VERY LOUD ALWAYS! — is doing so much to help Democrats win in November, we'd hate to interrupt her.
(Hey, you know what Guilfoyle's dearly beloved spent his time in college doing, according to stories? Peeing on himself. And wetting other people's beds. And allegedly getting slapped by his father in front of his friends for being such a failure. But hey, at least he wasn't being LAZY over in the lesbian ice dancing basket weaving building, learning the important craft of lesbian ice dancing basket weaving!)
This post is about Marsha Blackburn, the headline says Marsha Blackburn, we should talk about Marsha Blackburn.
Fucking Marsha Blackburn, the Republican senator from Tennessee, she has her own boring version of the same talking point.
“Forgiving student loan debt for degrees like gender studies, while in the middle of a recession, is a bad idea.”
— Sen. Marsha Blackburn (@Sen. Marsha Blackburn) 1661866711
Wait, did we say her own boring version? Nah, she copied that off other Republicans' papers. Hope she didn't learn to be so deceitful in college!
“RT if you think forgiving student loans for a wealthy “gender studies” major with no job is a dumb idea.”
— House Judiciary GOP (@House Judiciary GOP) 1661354986
And speaking of college, and speaking of useless degrees, yes, it is true, Marsha Blackburn was a home economics major at Mississippi State University.
But wait! You are saying we are being unfair, which is unfair of you, because we haven't said anything yet. That was you in your dark heart making fun of Marsha Blackburn's home economics degree. You bastard .
But wait! You are still saying we are being unfair, because for one thing, Marsha Blackburn is not asking us to pay back her student loans for her crap degree. She was the recipient of a 4-H scholarship, which we assume paid at least a good chunk of her tuition. And no, we don't know why she got that scholarship, maybe she raised a prize heifer during her time with 4-H and it agreed to pay for some of her college.
But wait! You are also probably wanting us to note that a home economics degree trains somebody to serve their MAN, whereas a gender studies degree trains them to serve their PRONOUNS. Pretty sure only one of those is part of Jesus's approved curriculum and therefore a worthwhile use of our taxpayer money!
You really should be more woke, we swear.
But to be honest, godly traditional southern Christian motherfuckers like Blackburn probably do see a distinction here between someone who would take out student loans to, for all practical purposes, get an "MRS degree," as opposed to people who take out loans to study things that godly traditional southern Christian motherfuckers consider icky and gay, like gender studies, or synchronized lesbianism.
You know we're right, for especially if you live in the South.
This has been a post about higher education in America.
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