5 Out Of 5 Dentists Agree Biden's Root Canal Better Than Being Arraigned On Espionage Charges
Uncle Joe still having a better week than Donald Trump.
President Joe Biden had a dental procedure Monday, and Politico stole my hed: "The tooth is out there: Biden gets a root canal."
This was apparently not scheduled in advance, because Biden was supposed to host College Athlete Day at the White House but instead he had someone drilling into his teeth. That's the choice I would've made, but I'm not a sports fan. Vice President Kamala Harris filled in for him at the meet and greet, but she didn't wield the powers of the presidency. The 25th Amendment wasn't invoked because Biden wasn't put under general anesthesia for the procedure. This is apparently not unusual, as most dentists believe "going under unconscious sedation for a root canal is unnecessary and will only put your body through more distress." They usually provide nitrous oxide (laughing gas).
Biden had reportedly experienced discomfort Sunday in his lower right premolar, which he still has so good for him. The dental team from Walter Reed National Medical Center determined that Biden required a root canal. This is when the infected or damaged pulp of tooth is removed and replaced with inert matter. (Lauren Boebert's brain is unfortunately too small to fit.) Decades ago, the procedure was painful as hell but now it's far more chill. It was a good move for Biden to wait this out until he was 80. Maybe I should do the same with my colonoscopy (no, I'm not serious).
An initial procedure was performed but the plan was for a specialist to treat Biden in the near future. However, his "discomfort" continued into Monday morning so the Walter Reed team completed the root canal in the White House's top-secret underground dental lair. President Herbert Hoover originally set up the facility for quick dental work. This would be more impressive, I think, if Hoover wasn't president when the stock market crashed and millions were plunged into poverty. Convenient presidential access to dental care would seem a low priority at the time.
Here's Barack Obama discussing the basement dental office, which seems nicer than the one in Marathon Man .
The Associated Press noted that Biden's root canal "upended his schedule for the day," which sort of happens with even the best root canals. Some residual pain from the procedure might last a few days, but overall, a root canal relieves far more severe pain. Reporter Seung Min Kim wrote that the root canal "left something of a cavity in his daily schedule." (Root canals actually involve filling cavities, but we'll allow her pun.)
Biden's Monday afternoon meeting with NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg in the Oval Office and his remarks at the Chiefs of Missions Reception in the East Room Monday evening were rescheduled for Tuesday. The nation endured.
Fox News, hardly known for its intellectual consistency, simultaneously argued Tuesday that Biden is a ruthless "wannabe dictator" who jails his political opponents but also a frail, old man who can barely stand upright for extended periods.
Hillary Vaughn at Fox News even asked Rep. Katie Porter, "[Biden] had to take off work for a root canal. Do you think he has the stamina for a second term?"
“serious Fox News reporter Hillary Vaughn to Katie Porter: "^{{Biden}}^ had to take off work for a root canal. Do you think he has the stamina for a second term?" Porter: "Have you ever had a root canal?"”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1686698883
Not breaking her stride, Porter responded, "Have you ever had a root canal?" Her tone suggested that she might perform one for Vaughn if he didn't get out of her face.
People more than half Biden's age take time off after a root canal. Also, Biden was probably still working. He just postponed personal appearances for all of half a day. Biden's schedule remains as busy as ever, and he can likely manage any post-procedure discomfort with over-the-counter pain relievers.
I suppose I could end this with something like "and that's the whole tooth," but instead, here's one of my favorite C.J. Cregg scenes from "West Wing."
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Just gonna put out out there that as a redhead it takes a vat of elephant tranqs to numb me up for dental work and forget keeping me knocked out for oral surgery. My dentist learned the hard way and now they have the good drugs ready for me but it does leave me incapacitated on the flip side.
Was it like when the crayon got stuck up Homer's nose?