Your Weekly Top Ten Is Sick And Tired Of All These Incredibly Slow News Weeks
Wonkette editrix is a GRANDMOTHER with a BABY on her BOSOM.
OH HEY WONKERS! What a boring, news-free week this has been. Gosh, can you imagine how bored yr Wonkette is right now, playing Pokemon Go all day because we can't find anything to write about? HAHA, THAT IS CALLED BEING "FACETIOUS." We are exhausted again, so we're going to make this top ten post fast, again.
So! We'll count down ALL the top ten stories in a sec, but first, we must shake you down for donation moneys. See, we have no ads. NONE. Remember back when we had ads and they ate your browser and made your grandma cry a lot? God that sucked! But we got rid of them, and that means YOU, LITERALLY ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, pay our rent and our paychecks and our other things and stuff. And we're trying our best to keep up with the fucking Trump regime, and in that spirit we're taking on more writers, which costs $$$$, and we want to take on EVEN MORE! So please please please do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is very persuasive:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Chuck Todd figured out a thing. It was not pretty.Number one for the second week in a row!
2. Fox News couldn't figure out which lives matter after a pretty white lady was shot by the po-lice.
3. The Trump-Russia conspiracy is gettin' WEIRD, y'all. A HOLY SHIT investigation into WHAT IN THE FUCK?
4. Did you hear about Trump's weird fucked up New York Times interview? For real y'all, it was fuckin' BONKERS. We did two posts on the topic, and this is one of them!
5. We think we're starting to understand why Russia wanted to do conspiracies with Donald Trump Jr.
6. This is our OTHER post about Trump's weird New York Times interview!
7. This one Trump judge nominee doesn't want you thinkin' he's some kinda FAGGOT or anything! (And he got confirmed. Yeah. #MAGA and shit.)
8. Donald Trump Jr.'s Russian conspiracy meeting was a veritable fucking CLOWN CAR.
9. POOR ANN COULTER! She had #AirplaneTroubles, and then she decided to be an asshole about it on Twitter, because she's an asshole.
10. And finally, Chris Cillizza should never ever invited people to Ask Him Anything.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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