A Noun, A Verb, A Reflecting Pool, An Ankle Dentist. Tabs, Tues., May 5, 2026
Best words.
Buenos días. Aquí tienes your Tabs.
A noun, a verb, and [COUGH!] 9/11.
Mr. President says some people call the reflecting pool the reflecting pool, but some people call it the reflecting pond and some people call it the reflecting lake, but the word “reflecting” is always in it, good job, Mr. President, Sir, tears in our eyes!
Speaking of, Dear Leader went to the ankle dentist. [Daily Beast]
Neil Gorsuch went on Fox & Friends yesterday, because we’re not even pretending anymore.
The Strange (Future) Death Of Christian Zionism. Interesting read about what’s happening in the GOP right now between those who still have an old-timey evangelical view of Israel vs. those who, um, don’t. It’s much more than that, but start there and take the time to read it. [New Lines Magazine]
Secretary Shitfaced is lonely and has no friends at the Pentagon, because everybody hates him. Guess that’s why he has to bring his wife to meetings, for loneliness support. Also because he needs a babysitter and we can’t imagine she trusts him to be out of her sight for one second. [Guardian]
Hey here is Marjorie Taylor Greene spilling ALLLLLL the tea. You don’t have to give her any credit, but oh boy, she’s got stories to tell:
Well then!
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Greg Gutfeld says women can’t have careers and families, but allows that if they MUST have careers, OnlyFans could be a good option. [Media Matters]
“Point of No Return.” This very sad article argues that it’s officially too late to save New Orleans, and now the only responsible thing to do is start working on relocating people. [Guardian]
The Met Gala was last night, and some of the people were dressed bad and/or real boring, like Jeff Bezos’s vile wife. The Heated Rivalry guys were rockin’ it, though. [Daily Beast]
Here, it’s a whole commencement speech by James Talarico. Bet it was real nice, wouldn’t know, didn’t watch it. Report back!
Tim Heidecker is very good as the new host of Infowars, now owned by The Onion.
IT’S THICK!
Turn your piss into gold! Turn your gold into piss!
Good tabs.
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Your hed gif animal, the mara, is an interesting one. Learn more here: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/my-my-ms-mara
And here is your meme chat for today: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/d0b5f3cf-96f1-4a3e-86c0-d530d4a43dc3
Heidecker is amazeballz. I mean, we always knew he was quirky-funny, but his Infowars host persona is so very spot-on. All the videos, watch 'em!